Happy, happy birthday to mrmonkeybottoms!!!!! I wish I had some witty quip or scary-evil link or high-larious picture to offer up, but I'm just not that cool, so the abundance of exclamation points is the best I can do.

So far today I have accomplished:

1. Squat

No, not really. I worked out, and that's something, right? And I wrote to my friend Chad, who'd better write me back before he takes off for the weekend or else I'll ... well, I'll pout. And I sat here staring at the screen and pondering my latest response to the latest DL plot debate, but I haven't actually responded yet. Those of you reading this who are in a position to do so, please go toss in your two cents so that we can get this chapter done and get the ball rolling again.

I just remembered that I really need to make invitations for my sister's baby shower before I work on anything else, so I can get those sent out, because it'll be here before we know it and I don't want to have to do last minute phone invitations. So now I have to find baby shower appropriate pictures that aren't too cutesy that'll come out well on my printer and an appropriate font that is neither too precious nor evil (I tend to favor evil fonts). I don't even know how many people we're inviting yet. My mom's supposed to be sorting that out.

Took some time out earlier to watch "Rm w/ a Vu" with the commentary. Finding out that Jane E. originally wanted to use Angel's first entrance into Cordy's new apartment to mock the inconstencies of the vampire rules of the Jossverse but then they made her change it to something less blatant makes me feel better about Angel getting in on a pre-invite. Because I obsess over these things. Because I'm a fangirl, and that's what we do. If you haven't figured that out yet by now, well, you must be new here. Hi. I'm Jean. I'm a Buffyholic. Nice to meet you.

Yeah, that's fair.

So far I've wasted my morning taking that quiz and making this Scorpius icon in honor of Farscape being on tonight. That quote makes me giggle. As does the shot of Harvey on the drums. Hee!

Sidenote: As John is clearly a fan of Buffy, I like to think that Aeryn bought him the DVDs along with the TV and stuff she got him while they were on Earth, and that the crew of Moya holed up in John's quarters and had themselves a Buffy marathon before Aeryn went missing. I think Aeryn would've liked Spike. Yes, I know I need professional help.

I probably could have made it to class this morning, but I figured what the hell? I had a headache, anyway. I'm still not ready to try the drive to Tulsa, though, so no internship this afternoon. I don't even know if school is back in session.

I need to get with it and hit the books. Between forgetting that February is a short month and not realizing that we were already so far into it, I thought I had another week to catch up on all of my reading; but I checked the syllabi and looked at a calendar and pulled my head out and realized that I've got two tests next week, the first on Monday. It's also about time for me to get started on all of my papers and semester projects. So my priorities this weekend need to be prepping for Monday's test and getting as much of my DL chapter hammered out as possible so it won't interfere with my paper writin'. I think I'm in a place now where I can do what I need to do with Spike, since things seem to be going a little better for him on the show. See above re: professional help.

Dancing Lessons outtakes

Last night, when it hit me that there are only going to be 6 new episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer EVER, I cried. I didn't break down sobbing or anything, but I teared up. It was enough that I had to break from chat to go blow my nose and compose myself. I'm getting a little verklempt as I write this.

Then this morning, I find out Mr. Rogers died, and I just go, "Aw, that's sad!"

How messed up is that?

Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyres (spoilers, yo. I'm not whiting them out as they constitute the entire post).

I don't have a whole lot to say about this ep. in general. It cracked me up both times I watched it, and Jane E. is the Queen of Continuity to Drew G.'s King, and for that alone I love her. I love Andrew and I think Tom Lenk is brilliant. If I started listing off everything that made me do a bad hyena impression while I watched, I'd be at it for a long time.

So I'll just skip to the Spuffy. I've read other reviews from reviewers who got strong Buffy/Wood vibes from the ep. I watched it again and paid careful attention to be sure, and I didn't get those. I really don't know whether it's that they're letting their trepidation color their viewing of the ep or if I'm letting delusion and denial color mine. I saw Wood trying to flirt with Buffy. And I saw Buffy being warm and friendly in return, but not particularly encouraging. I'm thinking of all of the times we've seen Buffy actively flirt -- with Parker, with Riley and with Ben, and even a little with Spike -- and this looked nothing like that. Maybe it's just me, but she had more heat with Riley. Hell, Spike has more heat with Wood than Buffy does. Even Andrew thinks so.

So. Wood doesn't scare me. Not in a romantic interest regard, and since I really doubt he'll succeed in killing Spike, not in that regard either. He does, however, creep me out, and everybody is trusting him way more than they should. And the bastard tried to hurt my Spikey!

(Incidentally, last night I dreamed that Spike did get staked -- not by Wood, but by some random vampire -- and both myself and Buffy were devastated. I never want to see that again, in my dreams or on the show or anywhere else.)

As for Spuffiness, besides the obvious kitchen scene (Hee! Hee hee hee! Oh, and if you're reading this on my blog, go look at my LJ icon), there was also them coming into the kitchen together for breakfast, her looking to him for backup on her opinion, the staging of the Andrew interrogation scene in which Spike, not Wood, stood immediately behind and to the right of Buffy -- her literal right-hand man -- and, finally, Buffy immediately calling out to Spike -- again, not "Robin" -- when those kids grabbed her from behind during the fight. All little, subtle things that add up to Buffy having a rapport with Spike that Wood's never gonna be able to touch, no matter how piercing his gaze or charming his smile or ninja-like his fighting moves. Oh, and a big HEE! to him getting hit in the face with that fire extinguisher. After which Spike tried to help him, and he almost got a stake in the back for his efforts. I hate Wood.

No, seriously. Up until then he was still pretty sympathetic despite the big question mark surrounding his history and his motives, and he was totally justified in his hatred of Spike. But as others have said, there's an honorable way to wreak vengeance upon your parent's killer ("You killed my mother, prepare to die!"), and then there's posing as an ally until you've got a clean shot to their back. Now, I'm willing to concede the possibility that Wood was being affected by the seal and his desire for vengeance took him over, but until they tell us that for certain I just can't like the guy.

But I digress. What I wanted to say is that we keep getting these little moments like the kitchen scene, and like Cassie's "Someday she'll tell you," and "still in love" and handholding ... hints of things to come. Some people think that those are just ME throwing us a bone, but what I always get from them is the message "Please be patient. It's not time yet, but it's coming." Again, there is every chance that I'm delusional, and I really wish we'd get a solid "I love you, Spike" from Buffy soon so that I can throw out that delusional disclaimer for good. Anyway. There is no reason, story-wise, for them to just throw us these bones. They wouldn't keep the tension and the undeniable interest on both sides going if it wasn't going to culminate in something, eventually. I know, there's not much eventually left; but as much as I want to see hot Spuffy lovin', I'll be okay with them not getting together until the end if that means they get to stay together.

Having said that, and in other news, I'm kinda numb still over the official word that this is the final season. I knew it was coming, I thought I'd prepared myself. I'm just not sure yet how I feel. As much as I told myself it was coming I still hoped it would get a reprieve, even though I knew that ending it now is probably for the best. Sigh. Anyway, they're talking spin-off, though nothing's official yet, and I don't know whether to hope Spike gets spun off or not. I guess I can't decide whether I'm more in love with Spike or with Spuffy. I thin Spike, but the thing that makes me love him so much is his overwhelming and unending love for Buffy. If he were spun off to a series without her, it would break my heart for him. But then, I'd still have regular doses of Spike, and I could probably get over Spuffy eventually. But I still think I'd rather see them get a happily ever after and disappear from the Joss-verse scape together. I guess it's kinda pointless to think too much about this before they decide for sure if there will even be a spin-off and if so, who will be in it. And here's hoping Angel gets picked up for at least another year, because if Spike goes bye-bye I was hoping to transfer my obsessive affections to Wes. Ooh! They could do a Wes spin-off! I'd totally watch that show.

I have friends to write and posts to respond to and thoughts about Buffy to share, but before I do any of that I'm going to read at least one chapter each for all of my classes and go work out (because I skipped yesterday's workout to revise fic). Not necessarily in that order. So if you're expecting to hear from me it's gonna be a while yet.

I just friended enkeli. *waves* Hi enkeli!

This caused me to look at my friends list for the first time in weeks, and, wow! A lot of people I don't know have added me to their friends list recently. *waves* Hi new people reading my journal! Here's hoping I can come up with at least one not too terribly boring thing to say in each entry.

Y'know, I get that they're promoting a sense of community and what not, but I really wish LJ would just call it a "Reading List" instead of a "Friend List." If you do or don't add somebody to your reading list it's not that big a deal. But mix in the idea that friendship is somehow involved and suddenly there's potential for hurt feelings and a sense of obligation to reciprocate by "friending" total strangers so that they don't feel snubbed. Which I don't do, just so's ya know. It has nothing to do with me snubbing anybody and everything to do with being short on time and needing my daily LJ reads to be short. You blogger people probably have no idea what I'm talking about, but I think that's one argument in favor of the regular ol' blog. You find another blog you enjoy well enough, you add a link to it. There's no expectation of reciprocation and unless you tell the owner of the other blog or your link pops up in their referral logs they don't even know you've linked to them. It's so much less complicated. I like things uncomplicated.

Anyway. In other news, I woke up jonesing for new Buffy tonight, and I'm gonna be antsy all day until it comes on.

I stayed up to finish the new ficlet last night, but I've still gotta get some more feedback on the draft and do rewrites before I post it. Hopefully that won't take too much longer. I had to push through a bout of "I suck" to get it done, and I'm still kinda feeling it today. I haven't done much in the way of sex scenes -- and I guess you could say I still haven't. Try as I might to be smutty, I can't seem to cross the line from "love scene" to straight-up smut. Sigh. Anyway, hoping it would help me, I pulled up my very small handful of previously written love scenes to read, and, well, they suck. They don't suck as bad as some, but they're not that great either. Sometimes I look at my writing -- fairly recent stuff, too, that I thought showed how much I've grown in the craft, blah blee blah -- and suddenly it just screams "amateur!" and I want to cry and then go check out grad schools because I'd just better plan on being a school psychologist since I'll obviously never cut it as a novelist. I should never, ever read my old work.

Because I am a stubborn woman who just doesn't know when to quit, ahmina go ahead and post the new ficlet today, and try to get some more of my DL3 chapter banged out before forcing myself to do some of the reading for school before I have to stop and work out before beginning my Tuesday ritual of distracting myself with the previous week's ep in the hour before the new ep comes on. Wow, that's a lot o' befores. I hope we get good Spike tonight. Good Spuffy would be even better. I could use a happy distraction.

The RJP boards are down. Xorbit, you're breaking my heart.

I am most definitely snowed in. Should use the day to catch up on all of the reading for my classes, but I'm going to spend it writing mild Spuffy smut (smuffy?) instead. But as the road in front of my house is still hidden beneath a foot of snow, chances are I'll still be stuck here tomorrow. I can do the reading then. Yay, snow!

I realized upon waking this morning that, if cultivated properly, I very well could develop a Wesley Wyndham-Pryce obsession, especially if Spike disappears from the Joss-verse landscape after this season (because he and Buffy have gone away to get married and have tiny, tiny babies and live out their picket fence fantasies far from the Hellmouth). For now, though, my Wes ponderings are still in the realm of mild-but-growing fascination, helped along by the S1 DVDs. I'm also certain that I could totally get behind a Faith/Wes 'ship, but I'm not gonna run out and go whole-hog looking for Fesley fic or anything since I'll be kinda surprised if Faith survives the season and if she does, chances are it'll be to get her own Wes-free spinoff (that's all pure speculation, btw), so I don't need to start pinning any hopes on that pairing.

I just wrote a big, long paragraph about fic and fic rec cliches that turn me off of reading and too much hype and my own hypocrisy, but I thought I messed something up and when I hit "undo" the entire paragraph disappeared. Oh well. It probably would've just pissed people off anyway. Suffice it to say that the term "achingly beautiful" is way overused to describe poignant fics. Please for the love of Manny find another phrase. Thanks.

Also (wanted to say this on the RJP boards but since they're down I'll say it here): you're not going to get smacked down at RJP for disagreeing with me or the other admins (at least not as long as your disagreement isn't served extra-flamey or with a side of snotty condescension), about fic or anything else. Also, everything we write is fair game for criticism. DL is not a sacred cow. We wouldn't dish it out if we couldn't take it ourselves, and if the day comes when I can't take it, I'll stop dishing it out. It's nice when I say something and a bunch of people agree with me, but that gets boring fast. I know there are people there who probably don't agree with my critique of some recent fics, and I hate to think that they're afraid to say so.

Damn. I just spent an hour on this post (a lot of which went into the paragraph that got eaten). This day is already slipping away from me and I haven't even answered my e-mail yet. I'll go do that now, then for the rest of the day I'll be writing. There probably won't be any new MB tonight because I want to get this fic done.

It's funny how reading abundant, uncritical praise for fics I hate motivates me to write. I've been trying to get it together and get focused to work on my fic all day to no avail, then I pay one visit to the "Pearls" thread at TWoP and, after I'm done gnashing my teeth and wondering what the hell is wrong with some people, I'm suddenly a writin' machine. But my "coat porn" has gotten all introspective and I haven't even gotten to all of the dialogue I wrote the other day, let alone the sex. But if I'm snowed in tomorrow and if I can stay fired up about the current state of post-GiD fic (at least as of Friday; I stopped reading them once I decided to write my own and I'd imagine the later entries are much better -- I know bit's sure is!) then there's a good chance I can finish this thing tomorrow. Then I'll just have to get it betaed. But I'm determined to have it up before the new ep airs on Tuesday.

Speaking of TWoP, this banner is too damn funny.

It's snowing. A lot. And sticking, too. We've already got almost a foot, and in some counties it's so deep they can't even get the snowplows and sanding trucks out on the roads. I think it's a safe bet that I won't be going anywhere for at least a couple of days. Which, selfishly, bodes well for my having time both to write and to catch up on all of my reading. And now they're saying that they're expecting an ice storm by the end of the week. Here's hoping that the current snow has a chance to melt before that happens. I'm not surprised, though. We've had a pretty mild winter so far, I knew we were still in for the Big Snow/Ice before it's over and done with.

Spent the last ten minutes watching a couple of robins hiding from the snow under the arbor out front. Their feathers are all puffed up and they're both looking around at everything like "What the hell do we do now?" Poor things. I'm sure they'll be fine but I feel awful that we don't have any seed to put out for them.

I'm just thankful that the snow held off long enough for me to go see "Miss Saigon" and to have my Angel marathon. The former was good (better than "Cats"), albeit depressing. The Engineer was really good, and now that I've seen it I'm rather appalled that Jonathan Pryce was ever cast in that role. I also liked that the actress playing Kim didn't have a perfect little body. Not that she was fat by sane standards, but never in a million years would Hollywood have cast her, at least not without demanding that she lose twenty pounds and get a personal trainer to firm up for those skimpy little outfits. She was the alternate Kim, though, so I have no idea about the primary actress. She did an amazing job, though.

As for Angel, Tess didn't start watching until the big Faith crossover, so she'd completely missed Doyle. We only watched a few of his episodes -- "City Of," "In the Dark" and "I Will Remember You" -- but that was sufficient that Tess got all choked up over "Hero." Hee. Speaking of IWRY -- eh, I don't want to get into it now. And not here. Maybe on the boards later. But suffice it to say that if I never see Buffy lick ice cream off of Angel again, that'll be too soon.

Oh, speaking of fanfic scenarios, do you ficcers ever get feedback to which you just don't know how to respond? I don't mean like "OMG ur fic ROX!!!" or "Dude, your story sucks! And so do you, you rapist apologista you!" I mean pretty well thought out criticism of your story decisions that, well, misses the point of your ending entirely and is upset with you for not following certain s/f tenets (of time travel, say) that really have no precedence in the Buffyverse. So I'm like, do I further expose my geekitude by getting into a debate about the space-time continuum and explaining how I intended things to work out, or do I just say "Hey, sorry my choices didn't work for you, thanks for writing"? Right now I'm kinda leaning toward the latter, 'cause, lazy.

Okay. I returned mom's Miss Saigon tickets (too bad she didn't make this decision in time enough for Tess and I to both go and exchange our seats for hers, 'cause hers are better, but oh well) and went to Wal-Mart, where I bought Angel season one and Buffy season three (whee!), a new pair of jeans, some new workout clothes, and a purse, all of which I filed under the category of necessity. Oh, and some pet supplies. Came home, read little_bit's new coat porn masterpiece, worked out, ate dinner, watched Farscape. Feeling better now. Farscape, by the by, was very good, very gripping and sad, and yet still good for J/A 'shippers. [Spoilers]She's having John's baby! Which is no surprise at all, really, but nice to see confirmed, finally. Although, there's a nice loophole there in that it's actually dead Talyn John's baby and the surviving John has never gotten to ride that ride, and it might've been neat if she'd, y'know, tried using that to fool the truth serum, but whatever. Still good. Fucking SciFi bastards.[/spoilers]

I still have to clean. Hopefully I can get it done in time to get some more writing done, because all I managed at school today was another little half a paper journal page of handwritten dialogue. I almost wish I didn't have plans tomorrow so I could just get the fic done. Almost.

Speaking of fic, alkibiadhs is back on the horse and 3.9 is rollin' again. Yay!

I'm stressed today. No reason, really, just doing that ADD thing where I'm keenly aware of how little time there is and feel obligated to rush and do everything NOW before time runs out. Of course, I *am* behind, so that's not helping. Got up this morning but decided to stay home and write instead of going to class. Accomplished two pages of nothing but dialogue before my mom came up and interrupted to tell me that she and her friends decided not to go see Miss Saigon tomorrow because they're sure they'll be all offended by it and asked me to take their tickets back this afternoon for a refund. That on top of all of the errands I needed to run today, including mailing another batch of DL CDs, which I won't get to do now because I can't possibly return her tickets and then make it to the post office before it closes. But talking to her made me realize I was already running late, so I got around and left about 10 minutes early thinking that would be all it would take to swing by and pick up my loan check and then drop it off at the bank. Except that it took me about 40 minutes because there were extremely long and slow lines at the bank. So I got to my internship late. Thankfully, the moppets have all gone to the computer lab so I've got a little time to decompress before they get back. And maybe work a little more on the new ficlet. I'll only end up working with them for about 45 minutes, then I'm off to the Performing Arts Center to deal with mom's tickets, then I have to go to Wal-Mart, then hopefully I'll get home in time to work out before Farscape comes on. And then I can tackle the main source of my freak-out, cleaning my living space so Tess can come over after the show tomorrow and help me break in my Angel S1 DVDs. All of which means that what I did this morning and anything I manage to jot down before the kids get back is probably the only writing I'll manage until at least Sunday, and I've got more tests coming up that I need to start getting ready for and I've fallen behind on the reading, and I have at least one paper coming due and, gah! Intellectually I know it's not that big a deal and that I'll manage, but right now I'm feeling the weight of everything I need to get done in, like, the next three months and I HATE feeling like this and it's really making me wish I had some Ritalin. *Deep breath*

Anyway. Follow-up to Something Other Than Dead coming soonish.

The hole that my cat poked in my gel-filled wrist rest has torn into a huge, purple snot oozing, dust & cat hair collecting gash. Talk about grody. I'm trying to figure out what I can patch it with but so far I've got nothing. Scotch tape works only temporarily at best. And another claw hole has been poked in the opposite end, where everynow and then I catch purple boogers creeping out. It's beginning to dawn on me that gel wrist rests and cats are unmixy things.

I ended up being home all day today. I'd planned to skip my morning class because I've been feeling a little on the cruddy side and sleep seemed much more important than yet more clarification of the social theories of Emile Durkheim, but then my mom needed to be places this afternoon and trying to figure out how to share the van and get us both where we needed to be and get all of our errands done was getting too complicated, so I said screw it, you take the van, I'll just stay home today. Le sigh. I was actually okay with this, though, because I thought, hey, more time to write! But instead of writing so far the only productive thing I've done is some site maintenance over at DL. I'm having trouble sitting still and focusing long enough to even look at my chapter. Of course, I realized a short while ago that I hadn't taken any of my herbal Ritalin substitutes all day, so that might have something to do with it. Hopefully those will kick in any minute now and I can get to writing.

In the meantime, here's someting I haven't done in forever: fun with referral logs!

For RitalinJunkie:

• ritalin anal play - I don't even want to know.
  
  
• crypt aesthesia - I had to go to the dictionary to understand this one. I still don't understand.
  
  
• "allyson hannigan" AND nude - That Aly's such a ho.
  
  
• niblet java games - Again with the just not getting it.
  
  
• hack "friends only posts" - Invasion of privacy 101

And I'm both amused and proud to see that Dancing Lessons is still the number one entry at Google for Buffy Spike naked. Go us!

Re: last night's Buffy, I'm still having trouble coming up with anything coherent to say beyond "I love Spike!!!" and "Whoah, Fray really is Joss-verse canon, innit?" Fortunately, swsa and queenofthorns both managed to come up with some pretty interesting things to say about it, so check them out. There're also some good insights being bandied about at the forums.

I got a message when I got home from class saying that my student loan remainder check is in. Can I get a woo hoo? I'm not broke anymore! Hallelujah! I need to be careful and not go nuts and to spend it wisely, though. I already owe Tess for my ticket to the Chicago Buffy Con in May, and I'll need to save out airfare and my half of the hotel reservations, not to mention spending money. And I have to get the S3 Buffy and S1 Angel DVDs. I also need to set aside funds for some new clothes and a new 'do before the trip. But beyond that I need to make this money last. It'll need to get me through the rest of this semester and through as much of the summer as possible. So no willy-nilly impulse spending for me. Which means I should probably stay away from Ulta Went in there the other night and easily found at least $100 worth of stuff I wanted. No fast food, either, but that's good 'cause fast food doesn't really mesh with the plan to shed pounds and become a hottie in time for my trip, anyway. At any rate, I have funds once again. Now if I could only get my brother to give me back my car.

Took my nap, got up, ate lunch and went to class like the studious little, er, student that I am, only to find that it had been cancelled. I don't know why. At least one of my classmates was kind enough to come over to my van and tell me why everybody was leaving so I didn't have to get out and walk inside to find out for myself. Anyway. That was a fun waste of time and gasoline. Except not.

So I've got some free time on my hands. Should probably use it to clean, but I guess I'll write. I've finally got a rhythm going again and I don't want to lose it.

Why is it that it's so much easier to get out of bed on days when there's going to be new Buffy? Because really, the day just kinda drags on and on forever as you're counting down until time for the show to start and I'd be perfectly happy sleeping as much of that away as possible. I did get up and go to class today, though, because my Tuesday-Thursday class lectures and discussions are actually helpful and relavent. But I'm SO tired. I stayed up to finish the first chapter of MB (go me!), then I went ahead and read some more Durkheim before I turned out my light (good thing, too, as the section I read was the section we discussed and I was the first person called on to kick off the discussion. Preparation leads to fewer instances of humiliation and feeling stupid, which is always a good thing). And as sleepy as I was by then, and even having taken a Tylenol PM well before I turned in, it took me another hour to fall asleep. But I dreamed about Spike, at least. Nothing sexy, though. It was all pretty plotty, and I remembered it in detail this morning but now all I can remember is something about Buffy being all proud of him for something and affectionatly patting him on the tummy and me standing there getting all excited over how in love they were acting.

Also yesterday, I got all caught up on betas for DL 3.9, but the author of such is kinda MIA and there are still 5 or so scenes to go, so as to when that episode will get posted, your guess is as good as mine. But 3.10 is coming along nicely and will probably go up not long after, and shortly after that I should have at least a good-sized chunk of 3.11 ready to post, if not the whole thing. And I've sent everything I've got on 10 and 11 so far to Dionne so that she can go ahead and get the ball rolling on 12. Hopefully now that we're on the final leg of the series we'll pick up some momentum and keep it up. Though I don't know why I think so, considering the final leg of War! was where our momentum broke down in the first place and has never recovered. But still. It could happen.

I was going to kill the rest of my time until my next class catching up on LJ comments, but I suddenly feel severely in need of a nap. So ahmina go do that now. Later.

Why is it that it's so much easier to get out of bed on days when there's going to be new Buffy? Because really, the day just kinda drags on and on forever as you're counting down until time for the show to start and I'd be perfectly happy sleeping as much of that away as possible. I did get up and go to class today, though, because my Tuesday-Thursday class lectures and discussions are actually helpful and relavent. But I'm SO tired. I stayed up to finish the first chapter of MB (go me!), then I went ahead and read some more Durkheim before I turned out my light (good thing, too, as the section I read was the section we discussed and I was the first person called on to kick off the discussion. Preparation leads to fewer instances of humiliation and feeling stupid, which is always a good thing). And as sleepy as I was by then, and even having taken a Tylenol PM well before I turned in, it took me another hour to fall asleep. But I dreamed about Spike, at least. Nothing sexy, though. It was all pretty plotty, and I remembered it in detail this morning but now all I can remember is something about Buffy being all proud of him for something and affectionatly patting him on the tummy and me standing there getting all excited over how in love they were acting.

Also yesterday, I got all caught up on betas for DL 3.9, but the author of such is kinda MIA and there are still 5 or so scenes to go, so as to when that episode will get posted, your guess is as good as mine. But 3.10 is coming along nicely and will probably go up not long after, and shortly after that I should have at least a good-sized chunk of 3.11 ready to post, if not the whole thing. And I've sent everything I've got on 10 and 11 so far to Dionne so that she can go ahead and get the ball rolling on 12. Hopefully now that we're on the final leg of the series we'll pick up some momentum and keep it up. Though I don't know why I think so, considering the final leg of War! was where our momentum broke down in the first place and has never recovered. But still. It could happen.

I was going to kill the rest of my time until my next class catching up on LJ comments, but I suddenly feel severely in need of a nap. So ahmina go do that now. Later.

I was going to be all responsible this week and attend every single one of my classes all week long for once, but when 2 AM rolled around and I was still on AIM and still reading fluffy Spuffy fic (needed fluff to take the edge off the angst I'm writing -- btw, Spuffy fluff good, and I appreciate any and all recs of such (as long as it's really Spuffy and not some pairing that will make me want to gouge my eyes out trying to pass itself off as Spuffy), so share 'em if you've got 'em), I knew I'd already blown that resolution. But that's okay. Tulsa schools are closed for President's Day anyway, so I don't have to go intern, and anyway I can't really bring myself to feel guilty about skipping my MWF classes because, as I've said before, physical attendence on days that aren't test days feel like a complete waste of time because the lectures and discussions are totally subject to the professor's whim and have absolutely nothing to do with the material that we're supposed to learn. And they don't take roll. So if I can get As without showing up and not have my absences counted against me, it's kinda hard to feel too motivated to go, especially on days when it's freaking cold outside and I don't want to leave the house and everybody else I know has the day off anyway. So I didn't. Go to class, that is.

So today I'm all about DL. Betaing scenes, figuring out what the hold up is on the current chapter, futzing with my own chapter, burning more CDs, and what have you. For the afternoon, at least. Tonight I'm really hoping to get back to my novel and try to make some progress there. Possibly even finish the first chapter. I might go ahead and post it and the prologue up somewhere for betas. I think that once I have three chapters I'm going to go ahead and shop them and my outline around to some agencies. I know they say you should try to handle your first novel on your own but, well, I tried that with my actual first novel and didn't get anywhere. Granted, I only sent it to one publisher and decided it sucked after only one rejection letter -- but really, it does have problems (the protagonist has some Mary Sue qualities, for one thing), and needs a lot of revising before I ever try it again, which I doubt I ever will. Gotta keep with the moving forward, after all. Like a shark. With feet. And on land. Anyway. An agent would make everything so much easier, and the worst that can happen is that nobody will take me on and I'll end up having to submit the finished manuscript all on my lonesome, right? Plus, I think I want to parlay my fic bunny from a while back into an attempt at a tie-in novel (I mean, come on! Getting paid to write fanfic? How could I not at least try?), and from what I understand your chances of getting those even read by the folks at Pocketbooks, let alone published, increase greatly if you have representation.

So, yeah. That's today's agenda, with a whole lotta digression on the side. Oh, and starting today I'm going to respond to comments immediately instead of saving them for later. And maybe this week I'll actually get caught up on all of my LJ comments. Maybe.

Note to self: Self? You have permission to do nothing but write today. It's okay. So stop eyeballing all of the other Shit That Needs To Get Done and feel good about your writing time.

I was determined not to post a whiney "Wah, I'm single and Valentine's Day sucks" entry on the day in question, so I just stayed offline that day. It was actually a pretty good day. Had to go to my Marriage & Family class and talk more about the love chapter, that was the only time my single status and the significance of the day really got to me, but even then I was kinda distracted by being pissed off at how none of the class discussion or the prof's lecture actually has anything to do with test-related material and feeling like going to that class is a huge waste of time. But then I went to my internship and partied with the moppets. Spent a good portion of the afternoon helping a MR/OCD first grader go through her loot, counting it and reading her Valentines and watching her get so excited after each one that she had to stop and wiggle. So. Cute. Came home, worked out, watched Farscape, then watched Ten Things I Hate About You because I have a weakness for the teen movie. After that I tried to write, but mostly sat around listening to sad love songs trying to get in the mood for my chapter, before finally figuring out that I really wasn't in the mood to write angst, at which point I gave up and went to bed. Whoo.

As I said the other day, I have a really clear vision of what needs to happen in my chapter, but as it turns out I really have to be in a certain kind of mood to [Major DL spoiler]make Buffy try to kill Spike[/spoiler], so that's coming along a lot more slowly than I'd anticipated.

Anyway. I got a little writing done yesterday before going to see Daredevil, which, by the by, I enjoyed well enough. Having never read the comics I had no expectations for what the characters should be like, so Ben worked for me. Jennifer Garner still bugs, though, and I thought Electra would be a bit more of a badass (I guess I did have some expectations after all). But all in all I thought it was a pretty good introduction to the characters. I gotta say, though, that I'm way more excited about X-Men 2, for which they show a really long trailer before the movie. Though I have some reservations about what they appear to be doing with Rogue, but I'm trying not to pre-judge. But I digress. At any rate, I got to get a little dressed up last night and go out and eat Chinese food and see a movie in a theater and hang with my best 3-D friend whom I hadn't seen in weeks, so it was a good night.

Today? I'm writing. And that is all. I mean it!

Being all responsible and stuff, I went to my PM class today and found out that I did in fact get partial credit for the two questions I started to answer on last week's test and so squeezed by with a low A. Whew.

Okay. So. I know what happens next in DL 3.11. The first scene's been written for weeks, and I had a pretty clear vision of the next scene, but then I lost it. Now I've got it back. The next two scenes, actually. All of the action and dialogue -- all of it. Just need to write it down. Can't do it now, though, because I'd just have to stop in 20 minutes to go fix dinner and then watch Survivor, and I can't start knowing I'll have to stop so soon 'cause I'm all neurotic and twitchy that way. So I guess that means I'll be writing it after The Surreal Life, if all of the Corey Feldman mockage doesn't make me lose it again. I'm pretty confident I'll retain it that long, though.

I guess this means I won't be on AIM tonight. But, writing! That's a good thing!

Quickie update:

Got a 95 on Tuesday's test. Go me.

Last night's Angel rocked. Still don't care enough to talk a lot about it, though.

Took out my web design jones on my index page. Not sure I like it (I would if the picture were better. I need a better camera. Someday ...) but it'll tide me over for a while.

If you care at all, don't forget about the new Survivor tonight.

That's about it, for now. Later.

Requisite Buffy post. If you're reading this at my blog, I'm not going to bother to white it out, so if you haven't seen "First Date" yet and don't want to be spoiled, just move right along. Catch you later.

I'm not really feeling the "squee!" over this ep, mainly because despite my best efforts I let my hopes get too high and was left feeling pretty disappointed. Also, being hormonal and sleep deprived, I'm way too prone to letting other people's doubts and fears infect me. But I thought a lot about it while I was cleaning, and I realize there's a lot more that's hopeful-making than not about this ep. Which is good, because I was really beginning to worry about myself, being all weepy and depressed over the romantic future of a fictional TV vampire, so snapping out of that can only be a good thing, right?

Anyway. There was, of course, the obvious: Buffy's Freudian slip of "still in love with Spike," her resolution while talking to Giles that Spike can be a good man and her lack of denial that she has feelings for him, and the end bit on the sofa, when she told him that she wants him there. And let's not forget how she even ignore Xander as he lay injured and bleeding on the ground to run to make sure Spike was okay -- which is a pretty monumental leap forward from "sleeping the sleep of the knocked unconscious" and, slightly later, barely bothering to make sure his hands would be okay after he grabbed a sword by the blade to keep it from penetrating her head -- and in the process completely forgetting that her date for the evening was in the room.

And yet, she went on her date with Wood, after admitting that she likes him and finds him attractive, and flirted with him, and seemed a little dazzled by his history. But as soon as Spike showed up she became totally focused on him. And then she doesn't want him gone, but she can't answer him about where Wood fits in. Frustrating, no? But really, I think Buffy needs to experiment with Wood a little. Or any non-evil human, really (and I'm not entirely convinced that Wood's not evil -- his Slayer momma doesn't explain why he buried Jonathan in a secret shallow grave, for one thing -- but Buffy's convinced, and that's what's important for the moment). Like she said, she needs to know that she can be attracted to a nice human guy, that she can have sparks with someone who doesn't have the "wicked energy." Because she needs to know that that's not why she's still attracted to Spike.

This is how I see it. Giles represented the voice of her inner fears. That getting involved with a vampire will lead to nothing but pain and misery -- because that's what she had with Angel. But Giles can't know what the future holds any better than she can. Then there was her discussion with Willow. Willow said it's good that she's moving on. Buffy assumed she meant "from Spike" (and in her defensiveness let slip that she did, in fact, love him, so "squee!" for that), but Willow clarified, "from [her] self-imposed super-self-reliance." That Buffy needs to be able to open up again and let somebody in. That doesn't send me the message that Wood is there to help Buffy move on from Spike. People have argued that Buffy needs to be on her own, but Buffy has been on her own for a year, and what's more, she's been physically intimate with boyfriends, but she hasn't truly been emotionally intimate with anybody since Angel. Buffy needs to learn how to get there again. Even her best friend thinks so. And I don't see her getting there with Wood -- the audience simply isn't invested enough in him for him to become a serious romantic interest for Buffy at this point.

However, Joss does like the love triangle, and I do see him as representing the option of some semblence of normalcy (assuming that he's not evil). Wood represents everything Buffy is supposed to want, what her friends and her father and even she believes would be the best for her. But I think his main purpose in this triangle is to show Buffy that she can go that route if she wants to, that she does have a choice, that she can be attracted to nice guys, and she's not doomed to love vampires. So that she can know beyond a doubt that she's not attracted to Spike for the wrong reasons. Like I said, she needs to be sure, not only that it is love, but also that it's the right kind of love, that she wants him for the right reasons. Also, despite what Spike told her, I think he very much does want the picket fence. He wants to settle down and make a life with her. She's not even sure she'll live long enough to have a life, and even if she was, she's still so young, and getting involved with someone who's so serious and sure of what he wants is a major step. She can't enter into a romantic relationship with him again until she's absolutely certain, not just that she won't get hurt, but that he won't get hurt. But she can't cut him loose, because the potential is there. Also, it is simply unfathomable to me that ME would put Spike through the ringer so much to help him become a worthy person, only to have to stand aside and watch the love of his life either choose another man or reject him in favor of being on her own some more. It's also pretty unlikely that he'd go through all of this just to die for her.

But what's really exciting -- to me, at least -- is that this plays nicely into my Shanshu theory. Buffy chooses Spike over Wood -- chooses him over the potentially normal life that Wood represents -- only to have Spike himself become human and able to give her that same kind of life, to have the picket fence future that IMO both of them crave. As I've said elsewhere, it also makes sense to me that, if what Beljoxa's Eye said is true, the series will end with Buffy losing her powers rather than dying, to restore the balance that was disrupted by her resurrection. I know I'm in the minority over here, but from what I can see Joss is a fan of the happy ending, and what better way to end the series than to have Buffy's fondest wish, to be a normal girl with a normal boyfriend and a bright, happy future ahead, come true with the guy she already loves?

I'm probably wrong. I often am. But sometimes I'm right, and so far I haven't seen anything to convince me that this kind of ending isn't plausible. And I'm in a good 'shippy place again, so if you think otherwise I'd appreciate it if you'd let me hold on to my delusions as long as I can. Thanks.

In other episode news, this really was a fantastic ep. I love Choa-Ahn, and Giles's "Hush"-esque flashcards had me rolling. So did "bidet of evil." And there was fantastic Scooby interaction, and Spike & Giles interaction, and Xander & Anya are so clearly still in love that I really think those crazy kids are gonna work it out. And YAY for Andrew standing up to the FE. I think this addressed people's complaints about him being harbored by the Scoobies. Apparently it is only temporary, and once the danger is past apparently he fully intends to turn himself in for Jonathan's murder. I want to give Jane E. a big ol' hug for her attention to continuity alone. The only (non-ship-related) thing that bothered me about this ep? What the hell was on the back of Spike's shirt as he was going out the door to go fetch Buffy? Whatever it was, it looked nasty. From the front, though, that was a good shirt on him. Nice to see him in a lighter color. Oh, my other complaint is the entirely different actress they cast for Nikki, but that probably couldn't be helped. I wish they'd gotten the same actress from "Fool for Love," though. She was much more bad-ass. This new chick is Nikki-Lite.

I think that's about it, for now. Next week's ep looks like it's gonna kick a lot of booty, so I'm excited. Squee!

I have coffee! We can all rest easy now. With the last of my funds I went to the store and bought coffee and some hygiene essentials, and how sad is it that that's the highlight of my week? I need to get a life in the worst way. Though I did save enough money to go see Daredevil this weekend, so that's something, I suppose.

I'm a little hormonal today, and still not caught up on sleep, so I was depressed to the point of fighting back tears when I got to my marriage and family class and saw that we're starting a chapter on love and I started reading all of these famous quotes about love in the book and it hit me that Valentine's Day is coming up and as usual I'm alone. Which most of the time I'm okay with, but gets to me whenever I'm sleep deprived and hormonal, and this time of year isn't helping. And then the professor called on me to read all of the quotes aloud for the class to discuss. So that was less than fun. I made it through, though, and getting to go to the store and spend a little money cheered me up a tiny bit. My coffee is almost finished brewing so I can go have a cup and that'll cheer me up more. And I think I'll take some time out to re-watch last night's Buffy. Despite my best efforts I'd let my hopes for that ep get too high and so I was disappointed, but it was still a good ep. I want to watch it one more time with the benefit of having had some more sleep before I talk too much about it, though.

The public schools are all closed today because the teachers are marching on the state capitol (except for my sister, who is enjoying a day off), so I subsequently have the afternoon off. I haven't decided yet what to do with it. I need to make some phone calls for the band, and I need to clean in the worst way. I really, really want to blow it all off and just write. But if I do that I'll be feeling too guilty to stay focused. So I guess I'll try to be a little productive, then hopefully I'll be able to grab a few hours to write before Angel(us) comes on. I really need to figure out a way to get back into the swing of writing a little every day. That always makes me feel so much better about everything. This semester is turning out to be a lot tougher than the last, though, even after having dropped a class, so I'm not so sure that'll really happen.

So. Impromptu agenda. Have some coffee, then clean 'cause it'll be theraputic and stuff, then re-watch Buffy & post about it, then take care of some band business, then write. Looks like a plan.

Feeling confident about this morning's test. I guess I should, considering all the sleep I gave up to get ready for it. So I came home after and went to sack out, thinking I'd just skip my PM class and sleep for several hours so I can be all fresh for tonight's Buffy, but after a couple hours of dozing in and out I gave up. So now I'm all groggy, and we don't have any coffee. And I'm being hella indecisive. Do I go ahead and go to class, even though I feel like lukewarm crap and don't have any coffee? Or do I stay home, and if I do, what then? Should I try to be productive and clean something, or maybe work on DL, or curl up on the couch and have myself a Spuffy marathon until the new ep comes on? And whatever I do I have to work out, but it's kinda nice out today, so do I go for a walk or do my regular work out, and if I do the latter do I want to watch "Becoming 1" or skip that and go straight to the second half for the preliminary Spuffy? And I'm not even allowing myself to think about the real responsibilities I ought to be taking care of, because I think if I added those to the list of options my head would explode. [whine]I want coffee![/whine]

I think I'm having a plan. A totally irresponsible slacker plan, but I think I've earned that. I think I'm going to go ahead and work out to B2 (mayhap the adrenaline and endorphins will make up for the complete lack of caffiene in the house), then go ahead and have that Spuffy marathon. I'm thinking maybe the S5 trilogy of FfL, Crush and Intervention. I'm liking this plan. I think I'll go implement it.

I still wish I had some coffee.

Study break. Have I said the word study enough times today? I think I have. I'm extremely tempted to hop on AIM for "just a little while" but that never works out, and I still have to turn my notes into essayish answers and type myself up a study (!) guide.

But I didn't post to regale you fine folks with the tedious details of my study habits. No, I'm here to whine, and to share my hesitant state of "squee!" I keep seeing reports from known Spuffy 'shippers who have already seen this week's ep (or read the wild feed, or are just spoiled all to hell), and they can barely contain their excitement. So now I can hardly concentrate because I'm too distracted wondering what it is they could possibly be so dang happy about, and trying very hard not to get my hopes up that it's what I really want it to be. It can't be, right? Joss doesn't love me that much. It's probably something or other to do with Giles and I'm just being silly. Right? RIGHT?!!

Sigh. I'm so terribly tempted to just go read the wildfeed and get it over with. But I won't. I promise. We're less than 24 hours into the countdown. I can wait. Right, then. Back to the social theory.

Two tests down. One to go. Then I can stop talking about tests and studying. Until my next test. Heh.

I should be studying now, but for the time being I'm all studied out. I got up early this morning to skim through my Marriage & Family textbook in preparation for today's test, which I'm pretty confident I aced. I should have, at least, considering everything we've gone over so far hasn't been anything I haven't already learned in previous psych & soc classes. Tomorrow, however, is my Social Theory essay test. I still have to answer all of the study guide questions on Comte, then I need to go through the study guides and turn all of the notes into essays. That'll probably take all night. Then I can get up early tomorrow morning and go over my answers before the test. I think I'll do okay on it.

Cheeze-whiz, when did I turn into such a study-hound? I swear I never used to be this way. I was the classic under-achiever. Guess I learned from my mistakes. Or maybe I grew up and got all responsible or something. Huh.

For the next several hours, though, I'm off to Tulsa to hang with the ED moppets. I was going to take my theory stuff to work on, but I think I'll leave it. If I get any down time I might hop on the computer and try to respond to some LJ & blog comments. I've gotten really good about replying to my e-mail right away and not putting it off, but I can't seem to do that with comments people leave for me. I'll try to work on that. Or maybe I'll just take a notebook and work on outlining DL 3.11. Some creative output to break up the monotony of academic input. I just hope the kids are all having a good day. I really don't need to come home feeling too fried to deal with anything. Not that their problems are all about me. I just jinxed my afternoon, didn't I? Sigh.

It's snowing. But the roads still look driveable, dammit, so I guess I'd better keep with the studying. That's okay, though, because if I'm stuck at home tomorrow I will officially go stir crazy.

Speaking of which, I'm getting more and more irritated over the car situation. The whole thing about my never being asked if my brother could borrow my car until he gets one of his up and running still grates me in the worst way. And it was supposed to be a couple of weeks, but now that's turning into a couple of months. Sharing my mom's van is working out okay now, while I have no money to do anything, but I'll be getting my loan remainder check soon and dammit, I'm going to want my own car back so I don't have to live on her schedule. On the up side, my mom is starting to get fed up with the situation too, so she no longer acts like I'm being a spoiled, selfish brat if I complain about it. I'm still pissed that nobody cares about my keyring, though. Have I mentioned the keyring? No? Well, it's like this. A couple of years ago for Christmas, my friend Tess and her mom gave me this really nice pen and matching key ring, both black matte and silver, engraved with my initials. The keyring was, naturally, attached to my car keys. And my not being asked or even told ahead of time about my brother taking over my car, I didn't have a chance to remove my nice, expensive, personalized keyring before my brother was handed my keys. And now, my keyring is ruined. It's scratched so badly you can't even read my initials any more. And nobody's going to do anything about it. Really, I don't want my brother to replace it or anything, because I know he's strapped. But if they could just treat me like I've got a legitimate grievance and, I don't know, maybe apologize I think I'd feel a lot better about the whole thing. In my brother's defense, though, I'm not sure he even knows or realizes that he messed it up so badly or how much it means to me. I hardly ever talk to him, and I think my mom's not telling him because she's afraid he will replace it, and he really can't afford to do that right now.

Anyway.

I didn't sleep very well last night. Between spicedrum telling us all about a creepy ass recurring dream that a friend of hers has and frank and open discussion about my night terrors and the likelihood that I have sleep apnea, by the time I got in bed and turned out the light and started thinking about it all I creeped myself out pretty good. And then I was paranoid about sleeping on my back but I couldn't get comfortable in any other position. I had weird dreams, too, but nothing of particular interest to you guys so don't worry, I won't go into them. Then I woke up this morning, on my back, natch, to an extreme coughing fit. That was fun.

I know I have to go study, or at the very least catch up on all the reading before tomorrow's test, but the procrastinator in me wants to design stuff. I've been bitten by the redesign bug, so something is going to change soon. I don't know whether it'll be the main web site or DL. I can't remember which got changed more recently. But I think it's been long enough on both counts.

Lastly, I :heart: my chat friends. That is all.

My third of DL 3.10 is hereby finished (not counting post-beta revisions, natch). And there was much rejoicing. Now I need to devote the rest of my weekend to studying, which bites, but that's life. I thought I only had to do the chapter readings for Monday's easy multiple choice test in Marriage & Family, but no, my Social Theory professor e-mailed us yesterday to let us know that he's moved his scary hard essay test form Thursday to Tuesday. Grr. Though, at least this means I'll be done with tests on Tuesday and will be able to participate in chats after Buffy and Angel this week, so that's a good.

Before I go hit the books, though, I want to procrastinate just a little more by pontificating on why I've realized I like this season so much (besides the Spuffy developments). A little while ago, it occurred to me that I genuinely like all of these characters this season. Which is a really good feeling to have. Last year, Xander and Willow were both barely tolerable, Dawn had plenty of irritating moments, Buffy pissed me off a lot, and even Spike was difficult to like at times. I still cared for what they were going through, but I was pretty irritated with the whole lot of them. The only regulars who remained consistently likeable all season were Anya and Tara, and look at how they were both punished for it. Oh, wait. Clem. Loved him. All season. Come back, Clem! But I digress.

Don't get me wrong, though. I'm one of the few who don't hate S6. It served as everybody's long, dark teatime of the soul, and it was a realistic and IMO necessary follow-up to everything that had gone before. People in their early twenties have identity crises. They get depressed as they try to figure out this whole adulthood thing. I know I sure did. And they do this under the best of circumstances. The Scoobies had all kinds of other crap to deal with on top of regular life stuff. Buffy especially. So what everybody went through last year makes sense to me, even as it was hard to watch and go through it with them. But they got through it, and they've all healed, or have at least made healthy progress towards healing. They're each more secure in who they are and what their place is in the world. They're supporting each other once again, capable of being there for each other even as they have to be there to save the world. The Scoobies are integrated, and they not only love each other but clearly like each other, and each of them in turn are likeable once again. Spike is still a bit of an outlier in this respect, but he's gradually being drawn into the fold.

Say what you will about plot holes or continuity inconsistencies (I myself am not without complaint in that regard), but those aren't any worse than in any other season, even the much beloved Season 3. But the Scoobs are actually making me feel the family dynamic this year, something I haven't gotten from them in a long while. I care what happens to each and every one of them, and I want good things for them all, also something that I haven't felt in quite a while. I like who these people have become. For that alone I'm in love with this season.

The drive wasn't so bad, but I missed at least three questions on the test (all essay -- 25 questions at 4 pts. each). Actually, I'm pretty sure those were the only three I missed. Two of them I tried to answer, the third I drew a complete blank on. If she gives me partial credit for the other two then there's a chance I could squeeze by with an A-, but I'm not gonna hold my breath. I'm kinda peeved, because I studied my ass off and I know I'd have been able to finishing answering those other two if I'd had more time. And I haven't gotten a B on a test since the last time I had this professor. Now I'm starting to sound like those over achiever people who flip out over Bs like they're a bad grade. I've never been one of those. Last semester I started stressing over that stuff because I needed to pull my GPA up high enough to qualify for Psi Chi, but now I've accomplished that, so I can relax and be happy with my B.

I've got a breather before I have to crack down for my next test on Monday, so tonight I'm gonna get my writing samples all prepped to submit to Outline (I found my old magazine article, by the by), then I'm gonna work on DL. Hopefully tonight I can finish my part of 3.10, then this weekend I can get going on 3.11. Also need to beta several scenes for 3.9, but seeing as how the temperature's supposed to drop significantly over night and I probably won't be going anywhere tomorrow, I think I can leave that 'til then.

In case I have any readers left who are not on the forums and who care about this sort of thing, here's what I had to say about this week's Buffy, "The Killer In Me." Highlight to read:

[Spoilers]This ep wasn't overtly 'shippy, but I didn't need it to be. I wanted them to build a good, solid friendship before moving on to anything romantic, and this ep showed that they have that. And that Mulder/Scully homage was no accident. Even if it did tie in nicely to the whole government conspiracy thing (hee!), M&S's relationship (pre-smoochies) was the type of friendship I always wanted Spike & Buffy to have. And now they do. That made me happy. But they can go ahead and move ahead to the smoochies now. That'll make me happier.

"Assface" made me smile. And the looks on Spike's & Buffy's faces right after made me giggle. Too bad they had to do it without Blucas, but this ep made me like Riley again. Made it clear that he still doesn't like Spike, but he acknowledged that Buffy does, and he has enough respect for her to trust her judgment and stay out of her way. Unlike certain other ex-boyfriends of hers. But that's a rant for another topic.

My only problem with this storyline was the retconning they did to make it work, which I can only fanwank so far. Was Spike even in the Initiative long enough for them to give him pain meds? And why would they? The point of the chip was to cause him pain, and it's not like the Initiative doctors were full of compassion for the suffering of demonkind. Not to mention the fact that Spike's chip didn't fire when he made his great escape, despite grabbing one doctor by the throat and shoving other people around on his way out. So, yeah. I could overlook and accept it if it had been necessary, but it wasn't. Buffy's suggestion that they look for info on the chip while they were in there would have been grounds enough for the excursion in the first place. So that bugs. I tell you, if I ever produce a hit TV show? I'm gonna hire a panel of fans to beta scripts for continuity.

As for Giles? It felt to me like these past several eps have been elaborate set up for a joke, and I was pretty pleased with the punchline. The group tackle made me giggle. And squeal. And throw my hands up in the air "Touchdown!" style and exclaim, "He's not dead!" Although I figured that was the case when they started discussing the phone call. Much like my reaction to Dawn and the Potential Detector Spell, I thought that they'd just made that conclusion too obvious and there was no way now that could really be the case.

The A plot was good. I was impressed with Adam Busch's acting, just like everybody else. And Willow's crying made me tear up. I thought Kennedy's breaking the spell with a kiss was a little hokey, but I can live with it. I'm glad that they acknowledged how hard it is for Willow to move on. Also, I liked Amy. Though I have to wonder if it's not that she's jealous of Willow's power so much as resentful that such a powerful witch took so long to de-rat her. Which is understandable. I like that Amy's not really evil, she's just a bitch. I do see her becoming more and more like her psycho mom, though, and that's scary.

I pretty much loved everything else. Lots of great lines and things I didn't really catch on the first viewing. The whole exchange about Molly getting locked in the trunk and Anya's "I didn't realize Molly was so compact," Buffy's description of the vision quest, "Who you gonna call," Anya's "All we have is a teenager, a powerless former demon and two big geeks" and Xander's inability to argue that last point, Buffy's "I probably shouldn't have said that" and then her triumphant, "I knew it! Government conspiracy." All of it was to laugh. And as sick as I am of seeing Spike in pain, I gotta admit that it was kinda funny how he writhed around on the floor with noone noticing. Albeit irritating that Xander and the others seemed to notice first and didn't say or do anything about it. But gratifying when Buffy finally saw and, as soon as she was sure that the Willow problem wasn't her problem, ran to Spike. And their "Buffy?" "I'm here," exchange melted me a little. So over all, I thought this was a pretty good ep.[/spoilers]

I have a rather intimidating test to take this afternoon, from a professor who won't accept anything short of a death in the family or a hospital stay as a reason to miss and be allowed to take a makeup exam. And it's snowing. Right now, it's one degree above the freezing mark and the roads are still drivable. Let's all hope that it stays that way long enough for me to get there, take my test, and get back home all nice and safe-like.

Today has been going much less well than yesterday, so far. I woke up from a stress dream involving my entire family being stranded at a bus station in podunk, Tennessee, only to find that I'd slept through my alarm and only had 20 minutes to get ready for class. Which I did. Got to class on time, even, at least according to my watch, but it doesn't matter how punctual I am, that class is always already in session by the time I get there. At any rate. The entire class is in agreement that Auguste Comte was whackadoo. Just so's you know.

I know what writing samples I want to submit to that magazine, but I can't find my contributor's copy of the one magazine in which I'm published. I used to have it on display over my desk, along with the little note that came attached saying, "You Are Published!!!" but Niblet knocked it off the wall and I didn't bother to hang it back up and now I have no clue what I did with it. I suppose it's not that big a deal since the article itself is saved on my web site, but an actual tear sheet from the magazine would sure look a lot more professional. Sigh. Guess this means I'm gonna have to brave my junk closet.

In spite of all this, I'm still in a decent mood, because it's Tuesday, and the first Tuesday of sweeps at that. Which means not just new Buffy, but important, "this is so good we had to save it for sweeps" Buffy. Squee!

The internship session went okay -- a little frustrating because none of the kids wanted to do any of their work and refused to listen when I tried to help them, but it could've been much, much worse -- but between there and Wal-Mart I had to go to this obscure vaccuum cleaner service shop to pick up a replacement part for my carpet cleaner, and after that I drove around to 4 different places looking for an Urban Tulsa. That's this free local alternative rag that is apparently going to start carrying band listings, hence why I wanted to pick one up. Apparently, the bad traffic fairies caught wind of the great day I was having and didn't hold with that nonsense, so they sent every rude, inconsiderate asshat in Tulsa to get between me and where I wanted to go. So that was frustrating. Even moreso was the fact that none of the places I tried had any UTs in stock. Phooey on them. However, there is a silver lining: I found instead this new, other free alternative rag, Outline Magazine, which is A) soliciting lesser known local bands to send them CDs for review, and B) currently hiring writers.

Guess who's going to be getting writing samples together tonight?

In other news, my stop at Wal-Mart resulted in my finally having enough Jewel cases and CD labels to finally finish putting all of the DL CDs together that I still owe people. I sent out a small batch last week, so a few of you should be getting yours any minute now. The rest of you shouldn't have to wait too much longer now that I've restocked my supplies.

I am having an unusually fabulous day so far. It actually started with me waking up from a making-out-with-Spike dream, which is amazing all by itself because if Ido ever have those, I never remember. Usually I have to sit by in envy while my friends relay their sexy Spike dreams, wondering why my subconscious hates me so much.

I still don't recall a whole lot of detail, but I remember the important bits. I was Buffy, natch -- even in my dreams I just can't conceive of Spike wanting to be with anybody else, even if it's me -- and we were having some kind of post-patrol, pre-dawn picnic. Either I'd had too much wine, or some demon had done something to me to make me feel and act drunk (or both -- it kept going back and forth). I decided to tell Spike I loved him, but he wouldn't let me get it out because he didn't believe me and thought it was the wine/spell talking, which just broke my heart and pissed me off. So I got up and started stumbling around and issuing a hiccupy rant about how anybody who can't see that I'm in love with him or can't deal with that fact is a complete ass-tard (thanks ever so much to sally for introducing that word into my vocabulary), including him. He just watched me all bemused until I tripped and started to fall on my face, then he jumped up and caught me, swept me up, and kissed me. Then we made out until my alarm went off and I woke up.

Being so amazed that I had such a dream and actually remembered it for once made the whole waking up process a bit easier, so I actually got out of bed on time. My whole morning routine went smoothly, there were no pet messes to clean up, no mom catching me in the kitchen while getting my coffee to ask me to play tech support, no Fizzgigg deciding he wanted to stay outside and play instead of doing his business and coming right back inside. Even my hair was cooperative, and as such I'm having a great hair day. So I made it to my 9 AM class on time for the first time this semester and didn't have to scramble to find a seat. Then, I asked what we did last Monday, because I skipped that day, and was informed that he was sick and we didn't have class that day. Then! He came in and informed us that from now on we'll only be meeting every other Monday. Whoo!

Hopefully my great morning will lend itself to a great day. I still have to grab some lunch and head to Tulsa for my internship, and who knows how that will go. Those kids are as unpredictable as it gets. Then between there and home I have to stop off at Wal-Mart, which is bound to take some of the shine off my shiny mood. And tonight I have to do a lot of reading, so I'll probably not have time to work on my novel, so phooey for that. But at least my morning was fab. Can't take that away from me.

I slept till after noon today. Which is great for the feeling well rested and caught up on sleep, but terrible for the having to get up and go to class tomorrow morning and then having to go deal with ED kids all afternoon without benefit of a nap. Eh, at least I can spend today not feeling desperate for more sleep.

I'm really getting sick of being broke and not having my own vehicle at my beck and call. I really hope that a) I get my student loan remainder check soon and b) my brother gets one of this vehicles up and running so he can give me back my car. I really should have gone to the movies last night, because I'm feeling desperate to get out of the house today, even if it's just to go sit in a coffee shop while I read up on History & Systems of Modern Psychology. But as it is, I'm stuck here and doing my best not to go stir crazy. It's funny, because I'm really a chronic homebody. I think if I had the means to leave I wouldn't want to. It's just knowing I can't go anywhere today that's driving me batty.

Now for a total change of subject. I want to get a tattoo for my 30th birthday in April. I'm pretty certain I want to get this tattoo. 'Cause it comes from something I wrote, so it has more significance than just geeky fangirl obsession-of-the-moment, right? Right. So anyway, while pondering the question of what I should take with me to get signed when I meet James in Chicago in May, I thought, Hey! I could have him sign my tattoo, then I could go get his autograph tattooed over it, and then it would have added significance of commemorating both my trip to Chicago and getting to meet my biggest celeb crush ever. Then it occurred to me that that might be more than just a little insane. As such, ladies and gentlemen, I bring you my first ever LJ poll:

So what do y'all think?

Sigh.

I slept in as late as I dared today. Finally made myself get up, played with Fizzgigg for a few minutes, then went downstairs to take him out and was greeted with the news about the space shuttle. So I stuck Fizz out in the dogpen and went to see the video footage, and listened to an interview with the uncle of one of the commanders, who had also lost his son in 9/11, and I cried. Then I retrieved my dog and got some coffee and came upstairs to log on, and was immediately irritated by people. All of this before I even had any chance to drink my coffee. What a great day it's shaping up to be.

This was going to be a good day, too. It's supposed to get up into the 70s this afternoon, so I definitely planned to go for a nice, long walk later. Other than that I was going to finish up the remaining DL cds, catch up on my reading for History & Systems, maybe do a little writing. Spend a nice, uneventful, stress-free day just hanging around the house, getting things done at my liesure. Now I'm thinking I may scrap those plans and call Tess up to see if she wants to go to a movie. I suddenly feel the need to get out of the house. Of course, the fact that I have no money might very well make me change my mind again. I've got a gift card to get me into the movie, but I'd have to eat at home before we go, and probably Tess would have to drive, and now that's all sounding kinda depressing and I'm thinking I might stick to my original plans after all. Man, I can't wait till I get my loan check.

Anyway. The space shuttle thing is definitely a tragedy, and I feel bad for the officers' families, and dismayed for what this will probably mean for the space program, and a little weirded out over the fact that the Space Shuttle Columbia no longer exists. But then I realize that probably at this moment on some highway somewhere probably just as many lives, if not more, are being lost in car accidents that the majority of us will never hear about. The only reason this is such a big deal is because the vehicle that had the accident was the space shuttle, and the people inside were astronauts. That might sound a little callous but it's giving me the perspective I need to get on with my day.

In other news, I've only got one scene left to go for my third of DL 3.10. Yay. Then I can start on 3.11. Which I really need to get started on because it's going to be big (not by 3.8 standards, but by single author without a lot of spare time standards) and I can't take forever to get it done. We have to finish DL before the show ends, and I'm warning everybody right now that in the final stretch I'm going to have less patience than ever, and I'm not going to pussyfoot around doing what I need to do to get this story done.

In other non-fic news, I've been volunteered to give my little sister's baby shower. Which makes perfect sense. Don't leave it to the sister with a steady job and extra Mary Kay income on the side -- turn it over to the unemployed student. My attempts to point this out are going unheeded. My mom says she'll help. By "help" I hope she means "pay for the whole thing," because I got nothin'. I just don't get my family's logic sometimes.