This warmed my heart and brought a tear to my eye (link pilfered from Derek -- which, come to think of it, probably means that you've already seen it, since odds are pretty astronomical that you visit his site a lot more often than you visit mine).

Once again, I've decided that I don't like my design. I'm not sure if it's because my design is unlikeable, or because a week is really all it takes for me to become bored with a design no matter how good (or bad) it is. It's probably a bit of both. Anyway, I'm not going to make any significant updates or additions until I come up with a design I like. I have some ideas. It all depends on how well I can manage to fake some drawing skills. I can't help but think that if I had a decent camera I'd be able to do wonderful things, but I don't, so in the mean time I have to compensate with my extremely limited graphic design capabilities.

That reminds me, though, yesterday I got a raise, so maybe I'll be able to get a good camera sooner rather than later.

Anyway, some things I want to leave you, my 3 to 5 semi-faithful readers, with before I take off for the weekend:

Web groups. I've seen a lot of stuff around the weblog community about groups like Pixelitas, Digital Divas, the mysterious LNBB, etc. (no, I'm not linking them, and I'm not linking any of the posts about them). Stuff that's been written has been both good and bad, serious and not-so-serious. I can't honestly say that I give a rat's patootie about these clubs one way or the other. I'm not much of a team player, and I don't like joining clubs or groups. They tend to expect you to contribute stuff in exchange for membership, be it money or time or your immortal soul or whatever. I'm too anti-social to join any kind of "sisterhood" or what have you, and for me the benefits never make it worth the cost of joining. I'm just not a people person.

So why am I writing about them? Because if that's your kind of thing, good for you. And because, though I do think discrimination is bad, and should even be unlawful in publicly funded groups, private groups have -- as well they should -- the right to keep out anyone they so desire. If women want to get together and form a group to promote themselves and each other on the web and come up with a cutesy, girl power type name for themselves, more power to them. If men want to do the same thing, great. That's the point of clubs, to network with and get to know people with whom you have something in common. As long as my tax money isn't contributing to your group in any way, you shouldn't be required to allow someone into your group that will make you uncomfortable and/or take away from the original intent of your group in any way just for the sake of political correctness. If you're going to demand that a women's group that was developed for the purpose of celebrating and promoting the work done by women start allowing male members and not keep them out just because of the silly little technicality that they're not women, then you might as well also demand that ethnic & racially based groups (even white supremecists -- those KKK neo-nazis are screwed up, but they still have their right to assemble) not keep out those of purely Anglo-Saxon heritage (or non-Anglo-Saxon heritage, in the case of the nazis). That might be PC, but it would defeat the whole purpose of the group.

That said, I actually did join a group this week, but I didn't have to give up anything for it, and I get to put this nifty button on my site. That Erich must be one hell of a guy to have all these dynamic, intelligent, strong women (myself included) clamoring to join his harem, even if it is only metaphorical. But sometimes you just gotta lighten up on the political correctness crap and have some fun.

Also ...

I'd been pretty down the last few weeks, thinking that my life pretty well just sucks, but I'd been trying (and often failing) not to complain too loudly or too often about it, because somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that, comparatively, I've actually got it pretty good, and if I didn't stop whining and start counting my blessings sooner or later something would happen to make me appreciate what I've got. Sure enough, my dog died. While I'm still pretty torn up over losing her, I'm also grateful that it was my dog and not something truly devastating like my mom or my sister. Losing someone (even pets) makes you slow down and take stock in life, and gives you a good perspective on what is and isn't important. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, how important is developing and maintaining a kick-ass web site, or holding a prestigious job, or even writing a best-selling novel? Not very. So instead of rushing home after work and jumping right on my laptop and spending my entire evening working on one of my too-damn-many projects every night, I've been stopping to talk -- not just talk, but listen -- to my mom, or playing with my nephew, or just hanging out with my cat; this weekend I'm trying not to think about all of the things I need to accomplish and I'm going to spend it cherishing my friends and family, actually living my life instead of writing about other people's lives. Every night this week I've given thanks for what I do have instead of asking God for what I don't. And you know what? This week I've felt happier and more at peace with everything than I have in months. Knowing me, this probably won't last. I'm too forgetful of these important life lessons, I seem to need to repeat them over and over before I finally start to get it.

The main thing is, at this moment, I like my life, even if it's not what I expected it to be.

Have a good weekend, everybody.

Right after I posted that, they gave me a Starbuck's basket, natch.

I like Meg's new design.

Today is the day formerly known as Secretary's Day, now known by a more PC moniker, Administrative Professionals Day. Woo-freaking-hoo. I have to -- er, that is, I *get* to go to a day long telecast seminar panel hosted by, of all people, Dave Barry. What the hell he knows about being a sec-- that is, an Administrative Professional is beyond me. He just better be funny. At least I'll get a free lunch out of it.

I got a card from the managers. My first year here I got roses. Last year I got a houseplant. Today I got a card. I feel so appreciated. It's okay, though, because I'm actually still steeped in denial that I'm a secretary, or an adminstrative assistant, professional, whatever. And hopefully this is the last Secretary's Day that I'll be on the receiving end of anything.

Please, God, let my book sell.

Made some subtle changes to the design. This mustardy yellow seems to be a bit easier on the eyes than the bright yellow I was using. Plus it reminded me too much of bees. Also, the "words" link up there in the title bar is now active, though the only active link in that section so far is Graceland.

It's too bad Blogger is being such a pain in the butt today. I suppose it's just as well, since this is one of those odd days when I really don't have anything to say. It makes it difficult to play around with my template, though.

I finally signed up to Metafilter. It will probably be a while before I work up the nerve to post anything, though.

YYYESSSS!!!

Thanks for the friendly advice, Keith.

I just updated my intranet bio: "I've been with Williams Audit Services since September 29, 1997, where I work as the department's administrative assistant. Prior to joining Williams, I attended the University of Oklahoma where I majored in Journalism and English with emphasis on creative writing. I recently completed and am currently trying to sell my first novel, and I also design web pages for fun and profit. I usually spend what little spare time I have going to movies, watching cartoons, reading, or catching up on sleep."

How dorky. It's really hard to sum yourself up in a single paragraph, especially when you have to sound somewhat professional. Dorkier still is the picture that goes with it. Glah! That doesn't even look like me. What's with those pearls? I don't wear pearls. My hair doesn't look like that anymore, either. I think the next time I get ahold of the digital camera to take pictures of the new people, I'm going to sneak in a retake.

Things I did today:

1. Added SquirrelBait to Favorites/weblogs
2. Added an "Other" section to the sidebar

Things I'll do this week:

1. Add a shopping cart to FY Originals and wrap up that project
2. get my writing section online
3. more draggable poetry
4. link all the stuff I like

I haven't been in much of a mood to blog lately. Not that you're missing much, the weekend was pretty uneventful. Saturday I tried to clean up and put away all of Mitzi's things, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. That was a sufficient enough downer to leave me feeling pretty melancholy the rest of the weekend. And it rained all day on Easter, which didn't help. I think I'm feeling better now, though.

I did go out Saturday night, to see "American Psycho." Could someone please explain the ending of this movie to me? I'm not sure I got it. Christian Bale's rear end made up for the consternation this caused, tho'.

Happy birthday, Impudite.

Saying goodbye is never easy. I love you, Mitzi.

Did you know that the color gray is correctly spelled with an a, and not an e? At least, it used to be, but dictionaries have been updated to allow for the common misspelling "grey."

Maybe this is anal or priggish of me, but I think that's quite sad. Instead of requiring people to learn the correct spelling, they just changed the language to accommodate ignorance. Says a lot about American culture, I think.

Let's try this again.

Today is the 5th anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing, and opening day of the OKC national memorial. I've never been to visit the bombing site. I guess that makes me a bad Oklahoman. I even forgot to observe the moment of silence at 9:02 a.m. I would like to visit the memorial, but I think I'll wait until all the hype dies down. It's good that they built it. It's just a shame that they had to.

A couple of things I did today:

A contribution to the forthcoming "write" section (I'm having major technical difficulties with getting this one to display correctly, so for now I removed the link).

Deconstructing Frost: the first in a series. It's draggable poetry! Drag the words from the famous Robert Frost poem to create a new poem. Send me a screenshot of your work and I'll post it on the site. This is just a start, it's going to get more organized. Unfortunately the script I used only works in IE 4.0 or higher, but if you're using something else and still want to play, e-mail me with a poem that is made up of words from the Frost poem (I'll check your work!) and I'll publish it here, too.

Tonight I force-fed liquified dog food to my chihuahua through a syringe. I talked to her regular vet, he said if she doesn't improve by morning, bring her in and he'll put her on an IV. This is probably a lot more trouble than a lot of people would go to for a dog, especially one this old (she turned fifteen a couple of weeks ago), but as long as there's a chance she'll improve, I have to take it. If worse comes to worst and I have to consider putting her down, I have to know I did everything I possibly could for her before I can make that decision. Even then, I don't know if I can make that decision. I just hope she gets better.

The manuscript is in the mail.

Aaaahhhhh...

That's a big sigh of relief over a major project completed. I don't get to experience this feeling very often. I'm so bad about jumping from project to project to project that it takes forever for me to complete anything, and more often than not my interest and enthusiasm for a project peters out and I never finish it. I've learned not to throw things out, though. If something lays around long enough, eventually I get inspired to work on it again.

I'm just not very good at prioritization.

Maybe my book will sell for a reasonably insane (preferable to insanely reasonable, I think) amount and I'll be able to afford to hire someone to help me with that sort of thing.

Wish me luck.

Woohoo! (via Impudite)

My real life friends (all two of them) are somewhat disconcerted about not being listed under my "friends" section. I told them it's because they don't have any web pages for me to link to. I think I'm going to have to make them each a web page. Excuse me whilst I go and ponder which fonts and color schemes capture the true essences of Terrence and Tess ...

Impudite made some disparaging comments about my hero, and I feel the need to rebut. Actually, I can't really argue most of what he said, but as far as his toys and gadgets, they were either designed & maintained by Harold (a little-known member of the Bat squad) or pilfered from Wayne Tech, so he's not an engineer or an expert mechanic. He's just resourceful. And I think Alfred is responsible for the design of the various Robin costumes -- but I like the current costume.

At any rate, more often than not, the Batman titles are some of the best written mainstream comics, especially recently. No Man's Land was some damn good storytelling, and this year they've taken Batman back to basics. If you share Impudite's opinion of the Dark Knight and it's based on previous decades' output or on the general pop-cultural knowledge of Batman gleaned from the movies and the various TV series, please pick up some of the current comics and don't write him off until you've given him a second look. For my money he's still the coolest superhero there is, period.

Um, except for the Tick.

I found this new anime-rific font and had to work it into the design.

My doggie is sick. She's been pretty bad for about a week now. Last weekend she wasn't eating as much, and she was passing blood, but she still had an appetite, and she was able to get around okay. She was even playful. Tuesday I took her to the vet, who said she had an inflamed colon -- nothing serious. He sent home some antibiotics and some special food and said she should be fine in a few days. It's been more than a few days, and she won't eat, she can't walk, and she barely seems to know where she is. I'm thinking that maybe it is serious, after all.

I stayed home over the weekend, so I could keep an eye on her (it's not easy to go out and enjoy yourself when you know you might come home to find your doggie has died while you were out), and I managed to finish the final draft of my novel. Finished. Done. Finito. All I have to do now is print it (which I'm working on ... I'm having trouble with the headers, which is causing me to have to print one chapter at a time, which is annoying as all get out) and mail it to the publisher, then sit back and wait for a response, and pray that it will be a positive one. I'd feel elated, if my puppy wasn't so sick. Every silver lining has a cloud ...

At any rate, item one on the big list is coming along quite nicely.

I've noticed that I've been given a permanent link on the Impudit's blog. I realize this is going to look like retroactive butt kissing, but I've been meaning to add him to my side bar for a while now, I just kept forgetting. I actually meant to add the link the same time I added BluishOrange. Really. Anyway, it's been remedied.

Drew, wherever you are, if you're still paying attention, this link's for you. (via riothero)

Hot damn, deepleap is nifty! (via Derek)

"It's so quiet around here, you can hear the IP addresses ping."

That cracked me up.

Almost forgot. Yesterday I signed up to SmartPlanet. I'm going to learn all of the things that are always listed as requirements in all of the web designer job postings I read but that I don't know how to do. Like ASP and VBscript. Just because I personally hate ASP pages, I suppose that doesn't mean I shouldn't know how to build 'em.

This is one reason I would love to freelance. Then I wouldn't be forced to taint my repertoire with Microsoft. And nobody would ever make me use Frontpage to build a site. If only, if only it was so (the lonliest words you'll ever know ...)

I made a list of things I need to do to get my life back on track. Or at least, things that will make me feel like I'm taking some sort of action.

First on the list: Finish my novel and try to get it published. I worked on this last night. I only have to review about 40 more pages, then all I'll have left to do is type up the revisions and print it off, and it will be ready to submit. Finally. I think the revision process took almost as long as the actual writing process. By this Monday I should finally be able to stop telling people "I'm working on a novel" and start telling them "I'm trying to get my novel published."

Second: Finish the FY Originals site. This is my first commercial site, as in, it's the first site somebody paid me to build. It's almost there, I just need to set up a shopping cart and expand on some of the info, and I noticed a few minor technicalities that need to be debugged.

Third: Update my portfolio and resume.

Fourth: Finish the rest of this web site.

Fifth: Either submit a short story I wrote last year to some magazines and try to get it published, or convert it to a play. I think it would make a good play. So does everyone else who's read it.

Sixth: Get off of my ass, overcome my cowardice, and go out there and get some clients! Submit some resumes! Find myself a better job! Amen, hallelujah!

I think this is all doable. Even if it's not, just writing it all down made me feel MUCH better about things.

Until I get my fancy-schmancy showcase portfolio put together, I added links to my other Web sites in the sidebar.

I need to make some changes. Big changes. I don't know what, yet, exactly. My job, for one. I don't want to seem ungrateful. It does what jobs are supposed to do. It pays the bills, it has good benefits, it allows me to buy food and shelter; but it also holds me back in so many ways. Or at least, it provides me with an excuse to hold myself back, behind which I can hide my paralyzing fear of taking risks, of putting myself out there and reaching for the brass ring.

Lately I've come to the realization that not only am I not where I expected to be by now, but I'm also not headed in the direction that I want to go. Part of it is that I've lost focus. Part of it also is that in recent years I've discovered new passions, affinities and interests to add to the old. I want to explore these.

I want to do so many things. I want to be so many things. I want to be a novelist, and a playwright. I want to be a filmmaker. I want to be a photographer and a graphics designer. I want to be a web developer. I want to freelance full time. I want to travel. I want to be part of a romance. I want to live in a major city. I want to live in a different country. I want to get out of Oklahoma, even if it's only for a short while.

I want to be someone who takes risks, who does what needs to be done to accomplish these things.

I don't want to be a secretary who spends most of her evenings on the couch watching TV because she's too exhausted to do anything else; but that is what I am.

Have you ever been at a place where you hate every single thing about your life, and you feel stuck because you don't know what to do to change it? That's where I am right now.

Something is going to have to change.

You know, I had forgotten just how much I really miss the Tick.

Lesson learned: Kids, always check your work before you hand it in. Or before you click "Publish."

"Ritalin Junkies" would also be a good band name. Especially for Stacie.

Speaking of Ritalin, I haven't taken any for days. I intentionally didn't take it over the weekend, but today I just forgot (I'd like to be able to say that Ambrose inspired me to quit taking it, but he didn't). I actually feel pretty good. I also feel really indecisive about what to do next. I'm bombarded with ideas and trying to decide which one to act on is paralyzing. I should go work on novel revisions (I've been saying that for weeks, and I keep putting it off). I should also make the changes to my aunt's web site. I want to go work on the new novel, and draw up an outline for another idea I had, and code the design for the "words" page that I came up with the other day ... but there simply isn't enough time to do all of that, so I have to choose. If I don't choose one of the "shoulds" I'll have guilt and won't be able to focus. If I don't choose one of the "wants" I'll be too distracted by the fear of losing my new ideas to be able to work. I hate this. I don't know what to do.

You know what I really should do? I should go home and do my taxes. But I'm not going to.

The Mimsies are really good. Play them loud.

Speaking of bands, my nephew started a new one (again), but they don't have a name yet. My suggestions: "Hi, my name is Brak!" or "The Wayne Foundation." Any other suggestions?

Ah, the stupidity of youth. My story's on page thirteen.

I went three whole days without so much as turning on my computer. Once I got past the twitching it was pretty relaxing.

Okay, so where was I ...

Thursday: Terrence, Tess and I went out to celebrate mine and Tess' birthdays (hers was Friday) and Tess' new promotion (which happened Thursday) and the fact that Terrence is finally accessible again. During dinner we realized that Terrence and I hadn't really done anything together for at least four years, and nobody could agree on the last time all three of us had gone out. It was nice. It was interesting to see how we all interacted with each other as adults, since we've all had time to live our lives and become different people from the ones who used to be so tight back in high school and college. Turns out that not much has changed as far as how we relate to each other. Terrence & Tess still played Spock & Bones to my Captain Kirk. I just sat back and enjoyed the bickering and the bantering and found comfort in the naturalness and the ease with which it seemed to come.

Friday: I went shopping for a webcam and in the process learned that my laptop is obsolete. I knew it was coming, but I didn't think I was there quite yet. Now I'm looking into getting a desktop. The question at the moment is whether I can afford to finance one.

Friday night I watched my "special wide-screen collector's edition" of Episode 1, then followed it with "Return of the Jedi: Special Edition." The beginning and end of Anakin's journey. It made me sad for him.

Saturday: Tess and I went to see "American Psycho," because the previews we had seen said it would be released on April 7th. Turns out it won't be released until April 14th. So we decided if we couldn't have Christian Bale, we'd take Vin Diesel (we'd both rather have him, anyway), but since neither Pitch Black nor Boiler Room have made it to the dollar movies yet, we went to my house and watched Saving Private Ryan (up until the part where Vin dies) and The Iron Giant (which made me cry like a baby). Which brings us to ...

Sunday: I overslept and didn't make it to church, so I stayed in my jammies and veged out all day. I didn't do a single constructive thing the entire day. It's been so long since I've had a day like that. It'll probably be quite a while before I get to have another one, too.

Oh my dear God, no. (This link works now.)

I was officially added to Jish's weblog ring this morning. Whee!

Happy birthday to me.

At last, it's coming here!

Gullible people of the ether world, I implore you, before you forward a single virus warning (and especially before you forward it to me), please look it up here first.

This is where I found that link I posted earlier.

I really like this design. I like bluishorange, too. And my favorites list continues to grow ...

Terrence, am I going to have to complain about you in public again?

I used to have this whole bitch persona, both on the web and in life (but mostly on the web), but I got tired of it (some might say I outgrew it) and decided it wouldn't kill me to try and be nice. Ever since then I've lost creative direction. Is it that being bitter and irate all the time is true to who I am, and suppressing that is suppressing my true nature, which is hindering my creativity? Or is it simply that bitter, irate rants are so easy to write and to design for that they don't really pose any creative challenge? I'm thinking it's probably the latter. Or maybe I'm just losing my edge.

Or maybe my job is just sucking dry my will to be edgy. This quiz told me, "You should definitely quit your job. You're using your job as an excuse not to do what you are really meant to. Obviously, who you are and what you do are solidly connected in your mind. Chances are your very spirit is entrepreneurial, or you have a deep- seeded disrespect for all authority, or you have to do something that is eating at you for your neglect it. Quit already. Go, start your own company, write the novel, paint the picture. People like you, at your stage of life really shouldn't be working for anyone else." But then, I didn't really need a quiz to tell me that.

(note: I came across that link last night while surfing blogs. I suffered an ISP connection fart while I was trying to blog it, so I gave up and went to bed. All I could remember this morning was the name of the website, but I forgot where I picked up the link. Sorry. Remember, kids, uncredited link pilfering is bad!)

Ta-daa!

Okay, so Pitch Black isn't exactly a sci-fi masterpiece, but it still rocked pretty hard, and I maintain that it's worth the $7 just to see Vin Diesel strutt his stuff for a couple of hours. Apparantly I'm not the only one who thinks so. Every woman who saw this movie must have come out of there going "Holy cow, who was that guy?!!" This movie might not earn him an Oscar, but it did earn him hordes of appreciative female fans. Never before has the phrase "Fill 'er up with Diesel" spawned so much girlish giggling ...

Last night I dreamed about a new design. Today I built it. Tomorrow I'll upload it.

I completely forgot about Daylight Savings Time. This morning I got up to go to church (which doesn't happen as regularly as it should). I was running (I thought) about 10 minutes late, and it's about a 40 minute drive to get there. By the time I got there it was over, so I turned around and drove back home. Somewhere between Tulsa and Claremore I remembered that I was supposed to change my clock last night. Now the clocks all say it's almost 11 PM and I should be going to bed, but my body just doesn't buy it. It won't buy it in the morning, either, when the clock says it's 6 and my body says it's only 5. I hate Daylight Savings Time.

I know I said I'd stay offline all weekend, but, um ... April Fools!

This is no April Fool: Today begins the last leg of the 168 Days campaign, which honors the 168 people killed during the Oklahoma City bombing. The last nineteen days leading up to the bombing's 5th anniversary on April 19th will remember the nineteen children who were killed in the blast.