The band's press kits are all assembled and ready to be mailed, so I can stop talking about those now. Now I need to finish their MP3.com web page so we can start selling CDs.

I haven't been online much recently. Saturday I went shopping and to a movie with Tess (Scooby Doo. It was cute. I enjoyed it well enough, but remember, I'm easy), then Sunday my mom finally took me out to dinner and a movie for my birthday (2 months after the fact). We saw "Attack of the Clones" again. I liked it much better the second time. Probably because I was able to lay my expectations aside and just enjoy it for what it is.

The rest of the time I've been building press kits and/or watching old Buffy eps. I'm working on viewing every Spike episode ever, in order. I'm up to Checkpoint. A lot of S4 and S5 episodes, I just fast forwarded through all of the non-Spike parts, so it's going fairly quickly. I realized today that I'm missing a few S5 episodes ("Family" and the two Joyce-in-the-hospital eps that ran between "Fool for Love" and "Into the Woods"), so I'll have to watch for those to run again in syndication. I promised the rocket scientist that I'd make him some S6 tapes to help him get caught up, so I need to run to town and get some videotapes before I begin my S6 marathon.

I'm thinking about making and selling custom gift baskets. Hopefully everybody I sent press kits to will be so impressed that in a couple of weeks I can book the band up until they have gigs out the wazoo and then they can finally start paying me, but money's getting tight and I think I'd better start exploring other options. I've thought about gift baskets on and off for a few years now, ever since they used to make me put together the baskets for the United Way raffle every year at my old job. I've just always been good at that sort of thing. And I recently discovered that the daughter of a friend of big sis makes and sells them for a living, and makes a pretty decent living at that. So it's got me thinking about it again. My problem is that I don't know how to go about marketing that sort of thing. So I guess some research is in order.

I started writing again today, sort of. Just revisions so far. I really got discouraged on my current episode of DL and as a result got completely blocked on it, and the guilt from not working on that caused me to be blocked on all of my other projects. Last night I tried to write anything at all and couldn't, and I almost cried for fear my writing muscles have completely atrophied. But this morning I managed some rewrites, and I feel a bit better, like I've got a foot in the stirrup and I'm thisclose to getting back on the horse. After I post this I'm going to go see if I can get that other leg over the saddle and get a scene written. And now that I've beaten this metaphor deader than the dead horse I'll go do just that.

Woo-hoo! I'm making a dent in the e-mail, boys 'n' girls. I'm trying to do 5-10 in a sitting. Not too terribly difficult when Hotmail refrains from crashing my browser.

If you haven't seen it yet, the first half of DL 3.5 is up over at Dancing Lessons. There are links to that site all over this page and I'm much too lazy right now to provide yet another.

I watched the behind the scenes interview thingies on the last disc of the S2 DVDs last night. They let James talk a lot. My God, could that man be any more adorable? I really don't think it's possible. Love. Him.

I heard from my rocket scientist friend after far too long and finally wrote him back, so now I'm all good moody. I'm gonna go try to get some offline work done while this holds and I'm all energetic and stuff. Ciao.

What is up with all of these recycled rumors? First the Britney threat rears its hellish head again, then Spike is leaving Buffy and going to Angel just like he was last year? Come on, people who make up rumors, don't you have enough creativity to come up with something new? Something like this:

Perseus over at Ain't It Spoilery News recently reported that a very reliable source from the set informed him that James Marsters has been signed to portray the younger version of Grand Moff Tarkin in Star Wars: Episode Three. Marsters is also reported to be in the running to play Gambit in X-Men 3 as well as a character known as "The Comedian" in the upcoming Batman: Year One project, a character which, as comics fans know, would be fated to become the Joker in subsequent sequels.

Since Marsters will be required to travel to Australia to begin filming scenes for Star Wars this fall, he has asked to be released from his contract on the hit TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer, on which he has played vampiric villian-cum-leading man Spike for the last five seasons. Rather than writing the character Spike out of the show, officials at Mutan Enemy are looking to recast the character. Reported to be in the lead for the part is Freddie Prinze, Jr., who is engaged to the show's star, Sarah Michelle Gellar. Gellar suggested that Prinze take over the role upon learning of Marsters's departure. It is rumored that after seeing the increasingly explicit sexual nature of Buffy's relationship with Spike, Prinze was only too happy to volunteer for the role.

See? Now that's an original rumor right there, and it would leave me all kinds of conflicted about whether to be happy about the prospect of James on the big screen playing beloved characters or despondent as hell over Spike. Anyway. As funny as it would be if that got picked up and started to spread (like the telephone game!), I suppose I should reiterate that this is a joke and I just made all of that up just now. Movie people still don't appreciate the wonderfulness that is James Marsters, he's still going to play Spike next season, and as far as I know FPJ isn't having anything to do with the show next year. Thank God.

How pathetic am I, sitting here in my bathrobe and jammies at 4:00 in the freaking PM and polishing off my first cup of coffee of the day?

SIGH.

Monday night I took some Benadryl and I was in bed and asleep by midnight. I woke up around 9:30 yesterday. It was to be a day of Getting My Shit Together. Paying bills, running errands, making necessary phone calls, increasing the dent in the cleaning that needs to be done, and, finally, answering all of the e-mail I owe people. But then the mail came, and brought me my shiny new Season 2 Buffy DVDs, and all bets were off. And then I didn't get to bed until 4:00 this morning, so so much for my cunning plan to turn my sleep-wake cycle around to normal hours. Bah.

Off I go to get dressed and go run some errands. Hopefully when I get back I'll have time to do e-mail. Because the guilt from that is beginning to seriously depress me. I wish I could afford a DSL modem, or something. No way am I putting my ISP e-mail addie up here, but replying to my Hotmail messages is such a damn big process because of having to wait for the page to load every time I click a damn button.

SIGH, again. If this were a Live Journal and I had one of those little dancing mood indicator thingies, it would be set to "cranky."

Just got home from band practice. I meant to show them their shiny new press kits, but between their 8x10s not being ready and a big ass typo in their album title on the front of all of their CD covers, those aren't done yet. Did a little shopping at the Super Target before practice, and between him recommending them and her not shutting up about them, I broke down and bought the new White Stripes cd. I'm glad I did. It's a great driving-in-the-car-in-the-summer CD. It'll probably also make a good cleaning soundtrack. Hopefully I'll have some time to find out later this week.

Yesterday I got an e-mail letting me know that my Buffy Season 2 DVDs have shipped, and I've been silently going "Eeeeeeeeeee!" ever since. It'd be cool if they showed up tomorrow, but I probably won't get them 'til Tuesday (hush hush!). Soon as I do I start the first session of my summer long Spike-a-thon. I want to watch the whole character progression in order before Season 7 starts.

I'm still awaiting a couple of betas for Getaway 6. I need to hunker down over the next couple of days and get DL 3.6 drafted so I'll be able to post it at the same time as 3.5 (or very soon after) and hopefully get us back on track. At least until the next time we derail. Anyway. Once that's done, I think I'll be ready to start on the novel, so YAY! Still planning to write the new fic, but the novel and DL will take precedence. So that's what I've got going on right now.

Hummina! Or, quoth Fenwic: "MmmmKhakiTShirt of ThoseAreGoodArmsToHave."

:: how jedi are you? ::

Good afternoon.

I was going to blather on about the MTV Movie awards, but instead, I'm going to go shopping. In summary:

• Jack Black: Fun-nee.

• SMG: Adorable. And her singing has improved. And I hope that's not going to be Buffy's Season 7 hair.

• Ewan McGregor: Hot dayum!

• Vin Diesel: Still yummy. Should've taped it for Tess.

That is all. Ciao.

I just stayed up All. Freaking. Night. to finish Getaway. Just sent it off to the beta team. So it should go online before too terribly long.

Must go sleep now.

19

I act like I'm 19.
This test was brought to you by David - Part of the David and James phenomenon. Take it here.

Heh. Feels like there ought to be some sort of non-celebrity death match between me and this chick.

Link pilfered from Smash

And if Spike were a South Park character ...

(Come on. You knew that was only a matter of time.)

If I were a South Park character:

South Park Studio

I can't decide which one of those is supposed to be me. Really, it's both. But seeing how she's the one who has all the sex dreams about him, I guess that makes me the writing worshipper.

Whenever Spike does show up in my dreams? He's always with Buffy. Or upset that he can't find her. So instead of offering comfort, I help him look. I'm so lame.

Bad day. Bad, bad day.

I was up until 7 this morning. Sometimes I hate my wonky internal clock. Hoping to get myself back on a normal sleep-wake cycle, I set my alarm for eleven. Slept through it until after noon, then woke up enough to turn it off and lay there in a daze until a little after one, when I finally dragged myself out of bed. So I basically started out cranky. I should've known better than to check my e-mail before having some coffee and getting in a better mood, but 5 hours of sleep apparently made me stupid. I got some negative feedback about what I've posted so far of 3.6, and instead of taking it in stride I defended my decisions. Then the beta-reader defended her feedback, I defended my story again, rinse, lather and repeat until feelings were hurt on both sides. I'm not sure yet what the moral of this story is.

So then I decided to step away from the computer and run to Sonic for a breakfast burrito (thank you, Sonic, for serving breakfast all day), to find that my mom cleaned my car. My little sister and her husband had a series of vehicular mishaps that led to them borrowing my mom's van to drive down to Padre Island, which means that my mom keeps needing to borrow my car. And even though it was pretty clean by my standards, she decided it needed to be cleaner before any of her friends got in it. Which means that without asking me she threw away a lot of stuff that I'd really rather she didn't. So I'm miffed about that.

Hayfever's acting up today too, so between that and the sleep deprivation I feel pretty crappy. I think I'm gonna go lay back down for a while. Hopefully when I get up again things will be better, and I'll be able to write. I'm thisclose to finishing Getaway, it's just a matter of sitting down and doing it.

Here's the letter from Spike to Buffy that I wrote last night at borders. Maybe when I have more time I'll polish it up and frame it in the context of a short story. Or maybe not.

~~~

Dear Buffy,

   I hope all is well with you. Well. That's stupid. If all was well I'd be there talking to you in person instead of half a world away trying to explain myself in a letter. But I do hope things are better for you. Better than I made them.
   Still reading? I hope so. I know you have no obligation to ever again entertain a single word I have to say, and I half expect you to destry this letter soon as you realise who it's from. Wouldn't blame you if you did. But I hope you don't, and that you'll hear me out. Then again, I always did have unrealistic hopes where you're concerned.
   I just want you to know, for whatever precious little it's worth, that I'm sorry. That phrase always looks so trite, doesn't it? How can those two little words possibly convey my horror at what I did to you? They can't erase it, or erase the pain I caused. But it's important to say them anyway. You have to know that I never wanted to hurt you. I honestly believed that I never would, that I could control this thing that I am, this part of me that thrives on destruction and pain. I thought that I was able to not be that anymore. At least, not with you. Guess I was wrong.
   I'm not making excuses. I hurt you terribly, and that is something I will never forgive myself for. But I get it know. Thought you should know that. I understand that you could never love such a monster, that you couldn't be with me like that. I kept trying to pull you down into my darkness, and you needed someone to push you into the light. I hope you've found your way into the light, Love.
   I'm sure I don't have to explain why I left. Figured you could do with one less evil thing to worry about for a while. But I'll be back. Don't know when, as I've still got some business to take care of, and lots of nerve to work up. But soon. I guess it's up to you whether to consider that a warning or a promise. I never thought I'd get homesick for Sunnydale, but I am. I miss my crypt, my regular butcher, the Bronze, your back porch. Dawn. And you.
   God, I miss you.
   But that's not the point. The point is, like I said, I'm sorry. I hope you'll be willing to talk to me when I get home. I know there's no reason you should, but I have so much to tell you. Where I went, what I did when I got there ... these are things I need to tell you in person. If you'll let me.
   Things will never be the same between us. I know that. It's far too late to ever go back to what we were. But maybe ... maybe we can forge ahead, figure out how to be something new. Or maybe not. I suppose that's really up to you. But whatever you decide, things will be different when I get back. I can promise you that.
   Give my love to Niblet, and if it's not too much trouble, let her know what I said? About missing her, I mean. Take care of yourself, Buffy. I'll be seeing you.

Yours,
Spike

~~~

Now I'm taking myself offline and staying there. Gonna dig out my laptop and take it somewhere away from my cat and the lure of the Internet and other people's fic where the coffee's in easier reach, and I'm going to finish Getaway today if it, um, keeps me up all night. Or something.

I'd decided not to go anywhere tonight and get all caught up on my e-mail instead. But then I realized that we're two weeks away from the date the last ever episode of DL was originally to be posted, and I had a minor meltdown over how far behind schedule we are. After sending a couple of ranty e-mails to the rest of the team I decided it was time to step away from the computer before I said something truly regretful, or burst into tears, or threw up my hands and said "Screw this!" and quit the project altogether. So I left. Still didn't want to drive all the way to Tulsa, so I thought I'd hang out at Java Dave's and lay some more groundwork for my novel. But today is apparently the one year anniversary of their grand opening, and they were celebrating with a Hawaiian theme, and they had little girls in leighs hula dancing around the shop, and they were blasting corny island-themed music much louder than any such music ever deserves to be played, and it wasn't very conducive to any sort of writing. Plus, these people got a flat tire in the parking lot, and one of the guys who were changing it kept coming in to wash his hands, and for some reason every time he passed me he had to stop and explain to me why he was washing his hands. It went like this:

Guy (first time speaking to me ever): Hi again!

Me: Um ... hi?

Guy: Got grease on my hands!

Me: You sure did.

Guy (Coming back from the bathroom): All clean!

Me: That's good.

Guy (coming in a second time): Hi there! Grease all over me!

Me: That happens when you change tires.

Guy: Don't I know it! (Goes to bathroom, presumably washes hands, comes back out and stops at my table) Had to wash my hands again before I hold my nephew.

Me: That's probably a good idea.

Guy: I have to finish the tire, then I'll be back!

Me: All righty, then!

That was when I decided driving in to Borders might not be such a bad idea after all. So I did. While there, I started a chapter-by-chapter outline for Modern Brides, and got the vampire hunter guy fleshed out a little more. Still don't have a name for him, though. I also wrote a letter from Spike to Buffy, trying to get a feel for Souled Spike before I start my big post "Grave" fic. Amazingly enough, my version of Souled Spike feels remarkably similar to DL Spike, even though technically that version still doesn't have a soul. Anyway. Maybe later I'll type up the letter and polish it for posting.

I'm feeling much better now. Feeling more subdued about the whole deadline thing. Also, I did finally begin catching up on e-mail before I left. I started at the bottom of my in-box and am working my way up, so if you've written me recently it may still be a little bit before I reply. But at least I'm making progress.

Well, I did ride my bike yesterday, but then I got home and realized I was missing the Farscape Chain Reaction and sat down to watch that for the next half dozen hours. John & Aryn, y'all. The only couple on TV who can make me forget all about Buffy & Spike for a while. Sigh. But anyway, that means I accomplished diddly-squat yesterday. After the marathon was over I came upstairs to answer e-mail like I promised, but I decided to check out some of the fic of this one person who wrote me so I could include nice things about it in my reply, and then I spent all the rest of the night reading it. Check out Caro's fic, y'all. It doth rocketh.

Should I warn that it's S/B? Do y'all not know me well enough by now to know that that's all I ever read? I think you do.

Anyway. I thought I might go see a movie tonight, but there's nothing out right now that I particularly want to see for a first time, and I don't think my friend Tess would want to sit through any of the others a second time. So maybe today I'll be able to get to the e-mail, if nothing else. I might go ahead and get around and run into Tulsa for a few hours tonight anyway, though, just to get out of the house for a while. Maybe I'll go to Borders and look at the GMAT study guides. Because all kidding aside, I really should spend some time this summer preparing for those. Woo! Doesn't that sound like an excitement-filled Saturday night?

Heh. If all goes according to plan, then soon I'll have band gigs and stuff to go to on the weekends, and it'll look like I actually have a life. That'll be nice.