Today was the best day ever! Or, well, at least the best day I've had in a long time. So good that it totally made up for the utter suckage that was Monday.

To start, the writing on chapter 5 flowed like a flowy thing, and I might have even been able to finish it today if I'd had more time. But I didn't, because I had a ticket to see Spider-Man 2 this afternoon. And before the movie I wanted to stop by Vintage Stock and grab the latest Astonishing X-Men, which I did, and which I read while waiting for the movie to start, and which I'll probably review in some form after I read it again, so for now I'll just say that it kicked ass. I also picked up my first Bat title in years, the latest Gotham Knights, which I haven't read yet, but it looks Joker-riffic, and appears to revisit The Killing Joke, so I'm barely containing myself wanting to go read it.

And as if the day long geekfest weren't enough, I came home to a message from someone wanting to set up an interview, and I think it's for the really well-paying secretarial job that I put in for a few weeks ago (but they didn't say in the message, so I'm not sure). And as if that weren't enough, I signed online to find an e-mail from an online news site, accepting the article query I sent them last month, with the potential for me to become a regular contributor.

*dies*

So. I didn't work out today, but I think I made up for it with all of the jumping up and down and squealing that I did this evening.

Some days, I really kind of like my life.

Moving on. Here are some questions I need answers to. If you've got 'em, please let me have 'em.

If, while shooting an episode of an action-oriented TV series, the star needs help climbing down from a big-ass prop after they've filmed a scene, which person on the set would be most likely to assist him?

Who would be most likely to deliver a new script to the actors, especially for a show that's concerned about spoiler-control? Would they hire a messenger for that, or would a PA or somebody else on the staff deliver it personally?

How likely is a creator/producer (ala Whedon) to hang around the set for episodes s/he isn't directing? How likely is it for an episode's writer/s to hang around during filming?

For that matter, how likely is it for an actor's personal assistant to hang around the studio?

Thanks in advance for anything anybody can tell me about any of the above.

Well today's proving to be a big ball of fun. Except not. A decision was supposed to be made on Friday about the job I interviewed for last week, so I kind of figure that if I don't hear from them today, that probably means I didn't get it. So I'm trying to write and not think about it, but with each hour that goes by without the phone ringing, I'm growing more depressed and unfocused. And instead of thinking about my story I'm busy making contingency plans and trying to talk myself out of depression.

I'm not desperate enough to apply to the call centers yet, but I'm getting there. And that's depressing enough in and of itself. Plus there's the whole being poor and mere weeks away from being flat broke no matter how well I budget. But mostly it's the question of why nobody seems to think I'm good enough to come and work for them. I realize that the job market is absolutely the suck right now, and there's a lot of competition out there, and that these things take time. But I've never had such a difficult time finding work before, and it's really starting to wear away at my self-esteem. Add to all that the fact that I went back to school and finished my degree so that I could take a step up in the world, and it's looking more and more like I'm going to have to take a step or two backwards. It's all enough to make me want to burst into tears. Which I've been on the verge of doing all morning. Like I said: fun!

I wish I wasn't so damn self-conscious about how I look in a bathing suit, because then I'd say "screw it" and head to the lake for a few hours and just try to relax and forget about it all. But I don't like how I look, and I don't really own a good suit anyway, and I always feel like a spaz wearing a tee-shirt over my suit, and besides, the lake is nasty and they charge to use the swimming area now and little kids probably pee all over it and make it even nastier. And swimming with the fishes creeps me out a little, especially as the water's so muddy you can't see what's brushing up against your leg. So no lake for me. What I really want to do is go shopping. But that's the absolute last thing I should do.

Yesterday, Neil Gaiman blogged the speech he gave at the Harvey Awards, and it contained some good advice:

As a solution to various problems you may encounter upon the way, let me suggest this:

Make Good Art.

It's very simple. But it seems to work. Life fallen apart? Make good art. True love ran off with the milkman? Make good art. Bank foreclosing? Make good art.

Keep moving, learn new skills. Enjoy yourself.

So that's what I'm trying to do: write my novel, and trust that everything else will work out somehow. There's just that pesky little matter of being able to focus. But there's always the outside possibility that somewhere out there is an editor who will think my story good enough to invest in, and if I can just finish my manuscript and get it into their hands, then perhaps they'll pay me enough that I won't need a full-time, steady job. Which, admittedly, is pretty damn unlikely to happen in the business of genre fiction. I have the same dream as every other struggling writer, but I've done my market research and I am a realist. Still, that doesn't keep me from hoping, and it sure as hell won't keep me from trying.

Even so, I really want that job, and I might have to take a day to wallow in self-pity if I don't get it. I just wish that they would let me know already.

It's scary and amazing, and really kinda sad, how much this applies to me. Except, y'know, for that whole "boyfriend" part.

"We, the socially lazy, worry a lot. We worry about our intense displeasure at the slightest hassle. We worry about our ability to be good friends, to be good parents. How will we endure the endless interruptions that children will bring to our lives? What the fuck is our problem? "

LiveJournal still won't let me do something as simple as reading my friends list. Bastards.

Saw Dodge Ball, and it was teh funneh. Rip Torn and Jason Bateman especially cracked my shit up. And so did that kid from Ed.

I also spent yet more money that I don't have, but they were justifiable purchases. I found a nice pair of black dress slacks for 60% off and went ahead and grabbed them. And so I have work pants that actually fit me. All I need now is some work.

I picked up a Dora the Explorer book for my nephew (he can't get enough of that bossy little chiquita), and some more cheapy writing journals that were buy-two-get-one-free. I probably have enough of those to last me for a while, but I'm sure I'll use them eventually. I ran out of room in my Faerie Tale (and by the way, I thought that was lame and obvious even for a working title, but I found a novel tonight that actually has that title, which made me snicker, and then made me say damn, because now I definitely have to come up with something else) journal and had to work several pages into a new one to finish chapter four (and yes, I did finally finish it today).

I also bought this:




I thought it looked nice and epic along the lines of A Song of Ice and Fire without being a total rip-off of said. It's also the first book in a series. As if I need to get into yet another series. But maybe between this and The Two Towers (my current bedtime reading) and The Once and Future King, I'll be all set until the new Dresden Files comes out. Which will be good, because I'm sure to be needing a break from all the historical fantasy and sword & sorcery by then.

All that, and I wrote fic, too. All in all, 'twas both a productive and fun day. And now I'm going to pat myself on the back for a minute, and then get my tired arse to bed.

I had high hopes of spending this evening catching up on my LiveJournal comments and friends list, but the ass-tasticness of their servers has dashed that dream. I got a notice from them this afternoon telling me that I have ten days to renew some of my paid account features, too. Right now I'm thinking, nuh-uh. Maybe if they fix whatever their problem is in the next ten days, I'll decide to get on that.

At least now I have no excuse not to work on answering e-mail.

The novel is still chugging. I'm still on chapter 4, which is turning out to be an Incredible Expanding Chapter, and might end up needing to be divided into 4 and 5 if it doesn't decide to end anytime soon. I think I'll finish it tomorrow, but I've been thinking that for about three days now.

By the way, I found this helpfully informative, occasionally snarky list of showbiz terms and definitions while doing some book research the other night. It never ceases to amaze me how you can totally make stuff up and yet still appear to laymen to know what you're talking about if you just get the lingo right. Which is good, because let's face it, nobody's going to let me hang out on a TV show set and see how things are done any time soon. Thank goodness for behind-the-scenes DVD extras and "making of" documentaries, is all I've got to say.

No word yet on the job front, although I am on the temp agency's backup list for another day of pageant contestant processing tomorrow. As much as I could use the money, I kind of hope I don't get called for it (and if I haven't been by now then I probably won't be). I really need a day to set the novel aside and just kick around and relax. And maybe work on some of my fanfic. And possibly go see Dodgeball, despite the painful P.E. memories it will probably dredge up. That girl you see huddled in the fetal position and drooling into her theater chair whilst mumbling incoherently and trying to protectively cover her head after the movie? That'll probably be me.

Busy busy busy. I had a job interview this morning, kind of a last minute thing at the same company where my friend Tess and my little sister both work. Saturday, Tess told me about a data control position that had been open for a while and was about to close, so the last couple of days she and I both scrambled to get my resume to the right people and this morning they had me come in and fill out an application and stick around for an interview. I don't want to jinx myself by talking about how well the interview did or didn't go. But I will say that this is really an ideal job for my current situation--it's the sort of thing where I show up and do the work and get paid, and I won't have to think about it once I leave the office, which means I'd be able to go home and write. There are actually two slots open--one 8 to 5 and the other 10 to 7. The 10 to 7 shift would mean that I would most definitely have to get myself a TiVo. But it would also mean I could get up early enough in the morning to get some writing done before work without killing myself. So I'm hoping for that one. I should know one way or the other within a week.

I also submitted my resume for a technical report writing position, but on second thought, knowing me, if I had a job where I spent all day writing reports, writing would be the last thing I'd want to do with my free time. So that job might not bode so well for my novel and other projects.

Speaking of the novel, it's plugging along. I'm well into the fourth chapter. When I get through the fifth I think I'll go ahead and type up what I've got so far and let my beta readers take a look so they can tell me whether they think I've really got a good thing going. I'm currently writing it longhand in a cheap little B&N writing journal, and I bought two more of those yesterday because this one is almost full already. As much as I both need and want a full-time job, the writer part of me hates that I have to get one, because I've got some excellent momentum going here and a job is going to severely screw that up. At least until I get settled in a routine. I just have to keep reminding myself that even if I can only write 500 words a day, as long as I keep at it I'll still finish the manuscript this year, and that ain't bad. How my remaining fic WIPs will fit into that equation, I have no clue. But I'll figure something out. I promise that I won't abandon them, no matter what happens.

To: The driver of that black Mercedes
From: Jean Cousins
Subject: This afternoon on I-44

So, just how much of an asshat do you have to be to give someone the finger after they honk at you simply to make you aware that you're about to plow head-on into their front passenger fender?!! It boggles my mind. People like you are what's wrong with this world. You make me weep for humanity. Ass-tard.

---

I ended up at Barnes & Noble, quelle surprise. I managed to show some restraint. I didn't buy any poetry. But I did pick up this:



And this:



The second was primarily for research purposes. It has a lot of information on the Pooka, as well as other sidhe mythology about which I'm pretty clueless. So I feel justified.

Also? I finished chapter 2. It's a short chapter, but still. I believe it's safe to say that I'm on a roll. Go team me.

I had a phone interview a while ago for a job that I submitted my resume for weeks ago. Whether or not I get called back for a face-to-face, it was a nice and much needed self-esteem boost. I've been a little mopey the last few days over the lack of responses to all of my inquiries, analyzing my resume and cover letters and wondering what I'm doing wrong. But I guess the whole process just takes longer than I'd anticipated and I need to be more patient. The fish are finally starting to bite, and even if they're only taking little nibbles, it's very reassuring.

Downstairs, my mom keeps blasting music while she's cleaning, and it comes up through my floor crystal clear. Earlier it was Elvis singing gospel. Ah, Elvis and Jesus. There's a combination that's conducive to writing about a morally bankrupt supernatural critter. And now it's... somebody else singing more gospel. Methinks I'm going to have to go and find an elsewhere to be if I want to get any writing done. Yesterday I camped out on the back deck all day, and it was slightly overcast and cool and there were storms nearby but not aimed at us and I could hear thunder in the distance and I was surrounded by doggies and they were behaving and it was lovely. But today it's just hot.

I might drive all the way in to Nordaggio's, that neat little cafe all the frickin' way out by ORU that I mentioned in my LJ a few months back. Or maybe I'll just try my luck at Border's. I should leave my credit card home, because I have a sudden urge to bring home some Pablo Neruda and some T.S. Eliot. And some Christopher Moore. And also some Batman. There's other, less fun stuff that I actually need, though, like shampoo and antifreeze. Plus I need to find a public fax to submit my time sheet from last Sunday. So I might just have to practice some self-restraint. We'll see how that goes.

Ach. Bitch Kitty just dumped a bunch of CDs onto Fizzgigg's head. Poor puppy. Satanic cat.

Anyway.

I got a pretty good start on the second chapter before Elvis so rudely invaded my headspace, but nowhere near my thousand word quota, so I still need to hit that at the very least. While I'm out I might also work on developing an idea I had for a possible short story. I don't get original short story ideas very often, so I'd better not let this one get away. It's loosely based on a dream the other night wherein my temp agency sent me to go around handing out checks to people to cover their debts on behalf of Oprah (?!). If I lose Oprah and add a sinister plot, I just might have myself a story. *crosses fingers*

I finished chapter one, I finished chapter one, neener neener neener, I finished chapter one! Hooah!

I promise not to do that with every chapter.

I had excellent intentions, as I do most Mondays, of kicking the week off with a burst of productivity. But I overslept, and then my one-year-old nephew was here, and I spent the better portion of my afternoon playing toddler versions of tag and hide & seek and various other Ash & Aunt Jeanie games that we haven't come up with names for, most of which involve making faces and being really loud. And me following him around while he points at things and explains them to me in baby gibberish. And some dancing. Much fun was accomplished. Alas, I can't say as much for the work side of things.

It wasn't a total loss, though. I did manage a decent start on the first chapter on the novel with no name (I really need to come up with a better working title than the oh-so-creative and pretentiously spelled Faerie Tale that's currently scrawled on the front of the notebook). I only got as far as about 600 words before my attention span sputtered and died, but I'm feeling good about them. And I'm having a blast writing my own characters again. I'd almost forgotten what that was like.

I'm cutting myself a break since I had to work yesterday, which actually turned out to be the most interesting and unique temp job I've had to date: interviewing potential beauty pageant contestants. I thought that I was going to be doing data entry and processing their applications, but more girls showed up than expected so they had me help with interviews instead. The age group was 10-19, and I ended up mostly with 10-15-year-olds. I was given four questions: why did they decide to enter; how would they feel if they didn't get chosen to compete; what is one word that their best friend would use to describe them; and finally, what is the most important lesson that they've learned from life? It was my job to ask the questions and jot down keywords from their responses, as well as make any notes on my impressions of their personalities. I felt bad, because all these little girls thought I was an important judge-type person and they were working so hard to impress me, when all the actual decision-makers would see of them were a few key bullet points. I kept wanting to tell them, "Honey, calm down, I'm just a temp."

But the job was fascinating, and a lot more fun than I expected it to be. It also reminded me that I actually have pretty good people skills when I'm dealing with coworkers and customers. It's only in social situations that I become all spastic and shy. Having to play the extravert all day sure was exhausting, though. Much as I need the paycheck, I'm glad it was only for the one day.

Today I'll leave off with a link. Jessa at Bookslut pointed to this article on the question of comic books as literature. I couldn't get through the whole thing because all of the eye-rolling I was doing was giving me a headache, and when I got to the line (emphasis mine) "The reader can pick and choose as the mood takes him or her (no, that should just be him)" I feared that my eyes might actually freeze that way. I'm not sure which is more insulting, the article itself or that the author is so obviously trying to stir a reaction. The only reaction he stirred in me (beyond the eyerolling) was to shake my head and call him a moron under my breath.

Started outlining the novel today. Only got as far as chapter 10, but I have a vague idea of what happens after that. I now know that the stuff I wrote yesterday will constitute most of chapter 8. I think I'm ready to start writing this puppy from the beginning. Probably not until Monday, though, seeing as I've got a pretty full weekend ahead. My staffing agency called, and they have work for me on Sunday. Yay, job! Boo, working on Sunday. But it's only the one day, and I'm far too desperate to turn my nose up at it.

Speaking of work, yesterday I sent out another query. This makes three this week. Here's hoping at least one of them pans out. I also applied for a possibly longterm freelance copy editor position for a social science research group. I'm hoping my brand spanking new social science degree will help make up for my lack of professional editing credits. *crosses fingers*

I still feel bad about neglecting my other novel, especially since it was just taking off right before I had to stop and hyperfocus on my senior thesis. I haven't lost interest in it or anything--I really think I've got a good story there. It's just that I think this new one is a better idea all around, plus I can see it all a lot more clearly whereas I'm still struggling to figure out everybody's motivation on the other one. I wasn't going to actually start writing the new one until the other was at least halfway finished, but I figure I'm better off striking while the inspiration's hot. Stop thinking about it and actually write it. What a novel concept.

Er. No pun intended.

I started my new novel in earnest this morning. I hadn't planned to, but when I woke up I could see this scene so clearly that I had to get it down. As usual, I started somewhere in the middle (linear writing's for sissies!), and I'm not sure where this scene is going to fit in the overall grand scheme. But I'm really pleased with it. I think it set the tone for the whole book, and it gave me a really good handle on two of the main characters. What's more, I like these characters. It's all left me feeling kinda giddy.

Hopefully that giddiness will spill over into the query letters I need to write today. I had planned on setting aside today to clean, but looking through the freelance help wanteds last night I found several possibilities. It was much too late and I was much too tired to follow up on them last night, but I don't want to put it off any longer. But once those are done I'm cleaning. Hear that, place? *shakes tiny fist at apartment* Your cluttered, cat hair coated, stinky days are coming to an end!

Test post. Trying to work out the commenting bugs.

And we're back! Although after more than a year on hiatus I might as well just say I'm starting over (even though one need only scroll down to view last year's posts).

This will be my venue for whining about sharing my adventures in trying to get people to pay me to write. And trying to write the things for which I hope to get paid. And writing in general. Yes, that's right folks, it's yet another blog by a struggling freelance writer. Because the overwhelming lack of such had left such a void in my life... oh, sorry, let me put on my sarcasm tag: [/sarcasm]

At any rate, that will be the gist of this new, hopefully improved blog o' Jean. Some personal life blather might creep in here from time to time, but I'll try to keep that to a minimum. I think. I also have a livejournal for all of my fangirl blather, and I haven't decided yet where I'll put the personal stuff. So I'll just play it by ear until I get it all figured out.

For those of you who haven't been following my LJ, here's where I'm at right now: I'm a brand new college graduate with a degree in social and behavioral science that I'm not sure what to do with who is seeking employment, and I'm trying to get my freelance writing career off the ground in the meantime. Because writing is where my heart lies. It's really the only thing I can see myself doing every day for the rest of my life without losing my sanity. I have no idea what metaphorical crack I was smoking when I decided to major in psych/soc instead of English or Communications (I just know that it seemed like a really good idea at the time), but the most important thing that last three years of schooling have taught me is that writing is what I want to do. Thankfully I at least had the good sense to minor in English.

So this is me, in a nutshell, trying to launch a full-fledged writing career. Welcome to the next phase of my life. Please bear with me while I work out the bugs.