The weather was gorgeous today (not sure what the high got up to but it was at least in the high 50s (that's degrees Farenheit for you wacky non-U.S. residents with your Celcius thermometers)), so in lieu of my regular Reebok slide workout I went for a walk. I lapped the whole neighborhood, something I haven't done in forever. It spans close to a mile in length and has quite a few steep hills. I didn't even start to get winded until I was about a third of the way back home. Go me!

Wherein Jean goes into share mode and drones on about her weight and her diet.

Decided to skip my PM class today in favor of cleaning. If I wait any longer it's going to fall into the realm of impossible to deal with by myself, and if I go to class I know I'll come back home feeling too worn out to deal with anything.

I'm assuming that Gilmore Girls and Smallville are both new tonight even though Buffy's a re-run? Is it sad that I'm gonna watch the Denver WB feed that comes on an hour later so that I can watch "Help" and catch next week's preview?

Anyway. I've totally revamped my schedule for the rest of the day: Clean, then possibly nap, then work out, then work on DL until time for Buffy. Then it's TV and AIM until I have to go to bed. I'm gonna be pissed if nobody's on tonight.

Well here's a nice surprise: Perfect World won in several categories in the Shadows & Dust Awards. The half empty here is that while searching for this awards site (their e-mail didn't include a link) I discovered that in a previous round they awarded no fewer than 11 categories to the Babyverse. So, yeah. At any rate, it's nice that they liked my story.

An even nicer surprise was the box o' goodies that was waiting for me when I got home from class. My friend Chad sent me a kick-ass Red Death Phantom sculpture from the San Francisco Music Box Co. It plays "Masquerade" when you wind it up. He also sent me a giant Homer Simpson Pez dispenser. I'll be going "HEE!" every time I think of these all day. Chad rocks.

A much less nice surprise was the puddle of yack waiting for me when I got upstairs. Looks like the cat knocked the remains of my Christmas candy stash on the floor, and Fizzgigg got ahold of my last piece of chocolate and then hurled it (and everything else he's eaten today) back up. Bleah. The thing is, I can't clean up vomit without coming very close to vomiting myself. So, that was less than fun.

I think I'm going to drop my Foundations of World Languages online course. It requires too much busywork and it's not leaving me enough time for the research I need to do, let alone for writing my own stuff or having some semblance of a life. Maybe I'll take it again in the summer. If not, I only needed it for my liberal arts associates degree anyway, and in the long run I think I'll be okay with not getting that. But that should mean more writing time, and also probably more time to talk to some of y'all on AIM. So yay for that.

I suck. I didn't get any writing done tonight. I wrote a letter to Chad, then betaed a DL scene to get my writer juices flowing (eeewwww! Not like that!), and got as far as reading through what I've got so far and making some minor revisions before I suddenly came over all sleepy. And I still have to read up for my theory class in the morning. Guess I'll go to bed and read myself to sleep.

I hate this semester's schedule.

Niblet just got up on my desk and shoved my CD tower onto the floor. Actually, onto Fizzgigg. Thank goodness he's quick. This is like her second attempt on his tiny little life (that I'm aware of, at least) in three days. Cat has issues, man. I don't know why she feels the need to take them out on the poodle, though.

I had to go to Wal-Mart on my way home from my internship site. That's your cue to feel sorry for me. Thankfully the kids were all having a good day (everybody must've upped their meds) so I didn't start out fried before I went into Wal-Mart.

Now? I'm tired. But it's Monday, so I have to work on my book (after I pick up all my CDs). Maybe I'll finish the scene this time. Last night I got a good start on the Glydia scene for DL, so hopefully I'll be able to knock out a little more of that tonight as well. Whatever I do, though, I can't go to bed until I've read some of the works of Herbert Spencer. Yay fun.

I'm a happy girly-girl. My sister came over and we were sitting around talking about girly-girl stuff like skin care, and I mentioned that I was reduced to using Vaseline (don't laugh -- my mom used it on her face most of my life and she sure doesn't look her age) as a night cream because I ran out of mine and couldn't afford more. Then our mom piped up and said that somebody gave her a whole bunch of free Avon stuff, so after my sis left we went and dug through the supply. I ended up with a whole line of fancy-schmancy skin care stuff. Yay for free Avon!

I'm really pleased with the new forum. So far it's SO much better than the free Ikonboard. The move brought in some new folks and jumpstarted some good discussion, too. So yay for that also.

I slept until 11:30 both today and yesterday. Today I even set my alarm to get up earlier and snoozed right through it. That's not going to be good when I have to get up at 7:30 tomorrow morning. Of course, staying up till 2 chatting on AIM last night probably wasn't such a good idea, but I had fun, so I guess I'll just have to be tired tomorrow. I should sign off and go do some cleaning, since yesterday I blew off everything in favor of setting up the new forum. But I also need to read up for my Soc. Theory class. Hmm. Housework, or social theory? Steam clean animal pee out of my carpet or read an 18th century sociology dissertation? I really can't decide which I'd like to do less. I think I may just play on the 'net a bit longer.

It must be Painful Accident Day at my house. I just took some dirty dishes down to the kitchen, and while trying to set them beside the sink knocked a glass into the sink and shattered it. It had no sentimental value, thankfully. I was much more attached to the skin that that got all sliced up when I tried too late to catch it and the subsequent blood I lost. Then when I was trying to doctor myself up I dropped the box of Band-Aids and scattered them everywhere.

Fun, fun, fun.

Now? I'm eating a Hershey Bar and feeling slightly better about the world.

The RJP forum is being a bitch today. But that's okay, because we're abandoning it anway and moving to the new boards here. As soon as I can access them I'll copy all of the topics and posts over from the Buffy & Angel forums on the old boards, so those sections aren't open yet. But you can go ahead and register and post away in the Randomosity and Fic sections.

Fizzgigg fell down the stairs this morning. All the way down, bouncing all the way and landing on the fake hardwood at the bottom with a significant thud. Freaked me the hell out. A little over a year ago he fell like that down just the bottom four steps and we still had carpet at the bottom, and it tore his leg out of the socket and left him traumatized for a week. Which is why I always carry him up the stairs now, which I did this morning, but I put him down before shutting my door, and the cats rushed him, and he panicked and backed up and took his tumble. Damn cats. But this time? He hopped up, shook it off and started doing his little "Come get me NOW!" dance. I checked him all over and there's nary an injury to be found, and he wasn't even fazed by it. I, however, am still mildly traumatized.

Last night I dreamed that the band had a gig at Curly's and while there discussing promotion with the owner the bartender started lecturing me on my attitude and self-esteem. Huh.

I should clean today. I should also go to the library and figure out all my research topics for this semester. But I really don't feel like doing either. So instead I think I'll just sit here and tinker with the new boards and work on DL all day and put all that responsible crap off until tomorrow.

First up, caltrask made the Spiffy "Hanging By a Moment" video I requested the other day, and Geosuckies is finally letting me download it.

Secondly, here's that ficlet. Note that I wrote this one just for me. A conversation held a day or so after the events of Potential, with some schmoopiness at the end inspired by that NY Times quote from JM.

She knew he'd be out there before she opened the door. Only place left these days where you could be alone. Peace and quiet had always been rare visitors at Casa Summers, but lately they'd been driven away by the much noisier and needier houseguests. Buffy wondered if they would ever come back inside. But at least they could still be found outside. Usually in the presence of her favorite chain-smoking vampire.

She blew out a sigh as she stepped out on the back porch, closing the door and shutting the chaos in behind her. Sure enough, he sat on the steps, elbows on knees, cigarette dangling between his fingers. He turned his head halfway, not enough to look at her but enough to acknowledge her presence.

"Pet."

Buffy smiled. He called all the girls that. She supposed he could easily have expected Molly, or Dawn, and not known he was talking to her. But he did know, and she knew he knew, because it always sounded different when he said it to her. Personalized. Spoken low and affectionate, and she could hear the welcome in his voice even if she couldn't see it on his face. "Mind some company?"

He turned all the way and looked at her then, the barest hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Never yours."

She'd been holding her sweater shut tightly against the chilly night air. Suddenly feeling warm, she let it fall open as she took her place beside him. They both faced front and just sat for a while in thoughtful silence, him working on his cigarette, her looking at the stars, both of them as relaxed as it was possible for two seasoned warriors to be knowing that danger lurked in every shadow.

Buffy took a deep breath and caught a whiff of second hand smoke. On reflex she opened her mouth to complain but shut it again when she realized she didn't really mind. Not after she'd come so close to having him and his smoke permanently removed from her life. If they both stayed alive long enough for him to give her lung cancer, then she'd give him a good what for. Until then she supposed she could put up with it.

She cast him a sideways look. He seemed to be in deep contemplation of the filter, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger as he stared at it, completely lost in thought. The furrow of his brow and the tight set of his jaw belied the otherwise peaceful picture he presented. Buffy wondered just when she'd started associating Spike with peace and calm, anyway.

Finally, he noticed her watching him. With that bashful little half-smile that was becoming almost as much of a trademark as his smirk, he bent down and stubbed out his cigarette between his feet. "Something on your mind?" he asked as he straightened back up.

Buffy shrugged. "Just wondering what's on yours. But don't mind me. I don't want to interrupt your brooding."

He glanced at her, annoyed. "Not brooding. Thinking, is all. There's a difference."

She leaned her elbow on her knee and propped her cheek against her fist. "That looked more to me like dwelling, at the very least. Anything you want to talk about?"

"'S nothing, really. Thinking about what you said the other night, to the girls. 'Bout how we're all the same animal inside."

Buffy sat up. "Spike, I ... you know I don't...." She sighed. "I can't let them think that there's even a chance that they'll meet another vampire like you."

"It's not that you said it, Buffy. It's that you were right."

She stared at him for a moment, not sure what to say. Then she let out a half laugh and shook her head. "Do we have to go through this again? You're more than that, Spike."

"Yeh." He looked down at his boots. "For now."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that that thing is in me. Animal, demon, call it what you will, but it's part of me and it's not going anywhere." His hands gripped the edge of the step. "And the First knows how to unleash it." He looked at her, and she saw something in his eyes that she'd never seen before: fear. "That son of a bitch has me loaded up and we both know it's just a matter of time before it decides to point me at the girls. At you."

"No, we don't know that. Everybody is working on figuring out what this thing did to you so we can reverse it."

"What if you don't?"

"We will. There is a way to keep the First from getting to you again and we'll find it." As she spoke she raised her hand on top of his. He looked down at the gesture, and Buffy suddenly felt self-conscious about it. She gave his hand what she hoped was a reassuring pat before drawing her own back to her lap. "Trust me, Spike."

He barked out a laugh. When his eyes met hers again, they seemed to reflect his true age. He reached up to touch her hair, ever so lightly, then pulled away. "That's never really been the problem, has it?" He stood and paced the grass in front of her, hands shoved deep in his pockets. "Still, maybe I shouldn't stay here."

"What?"

"I could go back to Harris's ... maybe the crypt ..."

"No."

"Least then if I do go off that'll put some distance between us. Give you time to get ready. Do what you need to do."

"Spike ..." Buffy stood up. "I need you here. I need you to help me keep them safe --"

"That's what I'm trying to do!"

"--and I need to know you're you're safe. And you need to be here. In a real home, with people who care about you, not stuck in a closet or, or in a tomb --"

"But you said it was comfy."

Buffy stopped short. Then she put her hand on her hip and glared at him.

He smirked -- not the irritating cocky one, but the one where you could tell he was fighting not to smile -- and scratched his eyebrow. "I only want to help, Buffy."

"You are helping."

That time he did smile, just for a second before ducking his head. "Um..." He looked at the house. "It's getting late. Maybe we should--"

"What's on your face?" She hadn't noticed it before, what with the dark and seeing him mostly in profile, but when he turned toward the house she saw a dark smudge on his left cheek.

He gave her a puzzled look as he wiped at it, then looked at his hand. "Oh," he said, and shrugged. "'S just dirt."

As he wiped the rest of it off with his sleeve, Buffy realized he was covered with it. His jeans and shirt were stained with dirt. It had even gotten under his nails. "Have ... have you been digging?" She didn't mean for it to sound so suspicious, nor did she mean to look so worried, but judging from the crestfallen look on his face she hadn't pulled it off.

"It's nothing, Buffy. I was just ..." He sighed. "Bugger."

"Spike, what ..."

"C'mere." He motioned for her to follow as he turned and walked to the side of the yard.

Buffy felt a sinking feeling as the shadows swallowed him up, but even so she went after him. Before she could catch up with him, a light shined in her eyes. She blinked and stepped back. As her eyes adjusted she saw that it wasn't just one light, but lots of little white twinkling Christmas lights strung all over a wide trellis. They lit up this whole corner of the yard -- or, what was left of the yard. The grass ended at her feet. Bare dirt stretched between her and the trellis. Some paving stones had been laid down the middle, and a large hole had been dug on one side. "What's this?"

Spike came to stand beside her. "Big plot of dirt," he said.

She gave him her "duh" look. "Why is it in my yard?"

"Because it's going to be your new garden."

Buffy blinked. "My ..."

"I hoped to get everything planted in time for your birthday." He shrugged. "Wanted to surprise you."

"Oh," she breathed. She looked back at her garden, imagined it full of plants and flowers, imagined herself spending time here, watering and pruning and taking care of it. "This is so much better than an arm in a box."

"Pardon?"

"Nothing." She turned back to him. "This is just ... it's ... wow."

Spike smiled, and this time he didn't fight it. It spread from his lips to his eyes, causing the skin to crinkle up at the corners in a way Buffy found utterly appealing. "I know it doesn't look like much now, but ... well, that'll be a pond," he pointed at the hole, "or maybe a fountain. And Harris is building an arbor to stretch over the walkway, it's supposed to have a built-in bench ... Oh, and," he waved his hand at the trellis, "the lights were Dawn's idea."

"I love this," said Buffy. "This is ... nobody's ever ..." God, she was totally choking up.

"Yeh, well. I figured you deal so much with death, thought it might be nice if you had a place to go that's all about life for a change."

Buffy had to wipe her eyes.

Beside her, Spike chuckled softly. "Ironic, innit? A dead man trying to give somebody life?"

She discreetly wiped her nose. "As ironic as William the formerly Bloody training potential Slayers?"

"Point." He shook his head. "Irony really seems to love me these days."

Buffy turned back to her garden. "Irony's not the only one."

She realized what she said about the same time he did. She looked at him, and he looked back at her in utter disbelief. That quickly faded to guarded hope as he caught sight of what she imagined was an "Oh shit!" expression on her own face. Too late to play it nonchalant. Buffy knew that with her next words she could either kill his hope or tear down his guard. She wasn't sure which she should do. Didn't know which she wanted to do. It was too soon, too complicated. They had been so bad for each other in the past. Had that changed?

He had changed, no question there. She liked to think that she had too, but had she really? Or was she just fooling herself? She realized that they were still staring at each other, eyes locked, and his grew more hopeful with each rapid beat of her heart. She had to do something, say something. Anything. But what?

As her mind raced, her gazed fell to his lips, and she licked her own. She knew what she wanted to do. She wanted to make it better for him. It defied all sense and logic, but there it was. The only thing she wanted more at that moment was to kiss him. But she couldn't kiss him if she couldn't say what he needed to hear.

Buffy swallowed. "Spike, I--"

The back door slammed open, and Molly ran out on the porch. "Buffy, come quick!"

She and Spike each blew out a long breath and jogged over to the porch. "What's wrong?" asked Buffy.

"It's Andrew! I think Dawn and Amanda are really trying to kill him this time. Vi and Rona are trying to hold 'em back--" Molly was cut off by an incredibly girly yet male scream. Her eyes grew wide. "I don't think they're doing the job."

Buffy sighed. "Where are all the other grownups?"

"Xander and Anya went to the store to get more milk for in the morning. Willow and Kennedy have already gone up to bed."

"Great." Buffy threw an apologetic glance to Spike, then started up the steps. Spike grabbed her wrist.

"I got it," he said. "You go savor your present some more."

"You sure? It's not like they haven't practiced beating up vampires."

Spike considered this. "You hear another scream like that, come running."

Buffy smiled. "Got it."

"Don't worry, Mr. Spike, sir," said Molly. "I got your back."

"Right then." Spike motioned her inside. "Let's go."

Buffy reached out and grabbed his hand. He stopped and looked at it, then at her, a question in his eyes. She gave it a squeeze. "Thanks."

He searched her eyes for a moment, then gave her a satisfied smile, and nodded. "Least I could do." He slid his hand out of hers and followed Molly inside.

Outside, Buffy fumbled around in the dark until she found a lawn chair. Then she dragged it over to the edge of her garden and curled up to wait. Maybe when Spike got back they could work on it together.

A nap, some Sudafed & Advil, and a chocolatey cuppa joe later, and I'm feeling better. Which is good because I really need to go work out. After that I was going to be good and do some light cleaning and then do more homework, but I think instead I'm going to blow all of that off to work on DL. Because bringing you good people more DL is my supreme goal in life.

I wouldn't be me if I could go all day without being a smartass.

Not much to post about today (so far). Feeling very crappy. I went to bed early last night, and actually fell asleep straightaway, yet still had a really hard time dragging myself out of bed this morning. And despite the freezing temperature which you would think would have frozen everything that I'm allergic to, my allergies are acting up in full force. Hence the feeling crappy.

I enjoyed last night's Angel but I don't really have anything to say about it that hasn't already been covered in the forums. I came home from class and finished my vocab homework, and now I really should research some festival-type avenues for the band, but I think instead I'm going to go lie down until it's time to head back to class. I wish it would snow so class would be cancelled. God knows it's cold enough for snow. Stupid sun.

Two classes this morning, then I helped out in my sister's classroom this afternoon, with a commute to Tulsa in between. And now I'm feeling completely drained. I hate how easily I get worn out. I still have homework to do, though, so I guess I'd better suck it up and push on. Especially if I want to chat after Angel.

Not a whole lot to say about last night's Buffy. I enjoyed it. [spoilers]They gave me enough Spiffy sweetness to tide me over for a while (I love how even an ep that doesn't focus on them can be so totally Spiffy), and there was some great Scoobage (my Xander love is now fully restored). I didn't even get annoyed with the SiTs (I love that Rona and Molly are totally on board the Spiffy 'ship). I confess I did get a little bored with Dawn & Amanda's plight, but mostly just because I knew Spike and Buffy were running around town together and I wanted the camera to be on them; and there were a few nits that I could pick if I were bitter and looking for reasons to hate the episode, but since I'm the opposite of both those things they certainly didn't ruin it for me. I do hope they explain where the hell Chloe was, though, or what's happened to her if she's gone for good (which I admit I really wouldn't mind).

A big HEE! to Buffy's final desperate attempt to cling to her denial. Even she's not buying it anymore. She's falling for Spike and falling hard. And a BWAH! to "high-functioning schizophrenic," and HOORAY! to the DBZ/Vegeta reference. Though that should more accurately be applied to Spike. Plus a "Phew!" to Dawn not being a potential. I had pretty much figured this was a foregone conclusion and had already accepted it as such, but I'm glad we were all wrong. Which reminds me, another BWAH! to Anya's "Yeah, I never got that" in re: Buffy & Dawn having the same blood. Oh, and a YAY! to Clem. Don't be a stranger, Clem![/spoilers]

This was episode 12, which is traditionally Buffy's birthday. Maybe they moved it to 13 like they did in S5. Or maybe they're taking Spike's suggestion from last year to heart and not celebrating it for once. Guess we'll find out with the next ep.

Craig Kilborne was on past my bedtime, so I had to tape it. I watched James Marsters's appearance today on my lunch break and spent the entire drive to Tulsa with a big goofy grin on my face. I'm so ridiculously in love with that man. My God, but could he be any more adorable? I'm not sure that's possible. I love him. Do ya hear me? LOVE! HIM! I have this whole faith based celibacy thing going on, but given the opportunity I'd totally give it up for that guy.

Thanks to all who commented to tell me what a cute li'l doggie Fizzgigg is. To answer some questions, yes, he is a toy poodle. Weighs about 7 lbs. And he does get those nasty red tear stains under his eyes but they don't really show up in that picture, and they're not as bad as they used to be. I don't know what his groomer uses but she always manages to get rid of them. If you think I'm not really the tiny white high-maintenance poodle type, well, you would be mostly right. But he's totally my baby. You can read the full story of how we ended up together here. 'Tis a sad tale, but it has a happy ending.

I suddenly feel very queasy. I think it's because I need to eat. Tell me, am I the only freak who gets nauseated when I'm really hungry or is this a more general phenomenon?

Now I have nachos, and I'm not hungry no' mo'. Mmm, nachos. Anyway, last night I wrote 597 words of the actual novel (599 if you count "Chapter One" at the top of the page). That amounts to about two pages. I ran out of steam before I could finish the scene, though. That was frustrating. Though that gives me some time to figure out the beta situation, since I don't want to submit anything less than a whole scene. But I have to figure out who (besides the two who are pretty much a given) I want to show it to, and even if it will be more hurtful or helpful to show it to anybody while it's in progress. Though with fic, that's always been helpful in keeping me motivated, so I'll probably end up doing it that way.

I have a small Yahoo group where I originally intended to post it for betas and general cheering on (alongside the work of the other members), but nobody uses that list, ever, so I'm not convinced that the list is going to be my best method of getting useful feedback as I go. Plus I hate Yahoo. Oh well. I'm sure I'll figure something out.

New Buffy tonight! Squeeee! Alas, tomorrow I have to actually show up to class, then I have to go to my Internship site all afternoon, so if I have anything coherent to say about the ep it'll have to wait until I get home tomorrow evening. I'm sure you're all so very disappointed. Yes, in case you missed it, I am being facetious. But tonight after the new ep (and Smallville, and possibly a rewatching of the new ep) I'll be all about the chat. At least until James shows up on Kilborne or I have to go to sleep, whichever comes first. Woo!

Spot of randomness: Has anybody made a Spuffy video to Lifehouse's "Hanging By a Moment?" If not is there anybody out there who would like to? 'Cause that would be cool.

I totally forgot about Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. My hick university didn't actually give us the day off (although they are having free pizza and readings of his speeches in the student union all day) but that's a moot point for me since I overslept and now I've no hope of even making it to my second class on time. Tulsa public schools are closed, though, which means I don't have to start back at my internship site until Wednesday. So I just found myself with an extra day off. I can spend it doing all of the things I kept feeling guilty about not doing yesterday whilst camped out on the sofa watching my DVDs.

I found this out when I returned one of the many instistent phone messages my nephew left for me after I went to bed last night (and woke him up when I did. Ha!). They want to play at this year's Mayfest. I would imagine that it's already too late for that, but not too late to start trying to book them for next year. Probably also a good time to try to book them for this year's state fair. Also they handed out the press kits I gave them, so I need to do some follow-up calls today to make sure they all got to the right people. Though I'm a little miffed because instead of giving one to the very popular coffee house I'd marked it for they gave it to an over twenty-one club instead. Seems I need to sit them all down again and remind them that in Tulsa, those places won't hire bands in which the members are all *under* 21 and this is why we're targeting coffee houses instead of bars. Silly little boys.

But it looks like the better part of my day will be spent reading up on T. Robert Malthus (woo) and doing some of my Foundations of World Languages homework (hoo). Tonight is Monday night, though, which is dedicated to working on my novel. But hopefully at some point today I'll be able to work on DL 3.10. I only have two scenes left on that one, but they're both Glydia scenes and I'm having a hard time getting into a Glydia frame of mind. And I don't think anybody cares about Glydia anyway. Though I guess in a way that takes some of the pressure off and I can just have fun with them and not worry about meeting anyone's expectations.

Also writing back to Chad today (finally). And the first batch of DL CDs will get mailed tomorrow since I'm not going to town today.

I enjoyed Chicago, though I liked the stage version better. But all of the performances were fabulous. Richard Gere even got applause, despite the fact that it was a movie and he couldn't actually hear the audience. But it was deserved applause, regardless.

Anyway. This is really very accurate:

Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest...Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.

br>My personality is rated 24.What is yours?

Mom brought my camera home, so I put together the band's gallery. Go me.

Tess is coming to pick me up later and we're going to go see Chicago: The Movie. Saw the show on tour a few years ago with Sandy Duncan, Deidre Goodwin and Adrian Zmed, and I enjoyed it but my little sister picked a fight with me during intermission and I spent most of the second act stewing and not really paying attention, so I'm glad for the opportunity to see what I missed, story-wise. Plus Catherine Zeta Jones's name always crops up whenever I read anything about a possible Phantom of the Opera musical movie adaptation, so I'm curious to see how well she sings. Not that Chicago is any proof that she's got the range to handle the part of Christine.

I ought to be ready to assemble the first batch of DL CDs tomorrow so I can get them in the mail on Monday. Other than that I think I'm going to spend tomorrow vegging, maybe finally watch some of the LotR DVD goodies. It's been too long since I gave myself some time to goof off and accomplish nothing.

I have a new web-related pet peeve: unheard of search engines that open up in pop-up ads which automatically set themselves as your home page and install a toolbar in your browser. This has happened to me with three separate search page ads. The worst was Xupiter, which also installed something that made my browser automatically jump to them any time I got a page not available message or when a page took too long to load. The worst (or best, depending on your perspective) part was that every time it did I got a graphic pop-up ad for amateur porn. So every time a page wouldn't load I wound up staring at obviously silicone enhanced boobies. And feeling both very inadequate and grateful that I don't have kids. For that one I had to go dig around on their site to find an uninstaller application to get rid of it. Grr.

Anyway. Had a lovely time last night, as mentioned before. Last Exit did a great job -- for the most part. During their cover of Green Eyes Ted stepped too hard on his volume/distortion (or whatever -- I don't know guitars) pedal and screwed up the song, and they all just froze and stared at each other in horror for a good 30 seconds before recovering enough to turn it into a joke and finish the song. That was funny. Oh, and we also got mooned. An SUV drove by with three bare asses hanging out the windows. The guys were too busy playing to see, but the audience got a kick out of it. I was mostly concerned about the kids getting frostbite on their butts, 'cause it was frickin' cold last night.

On Christmas Stacie took my acoustic guitar home to restring it and tune it up for me. He had it with him last night, and he'd also polished it and made it look all pretty and he used it in the show. And then he wouldn't let me have it to take back home. Looks like I'm going to have to stage a guitar-napping if I ever want mine back. 'S okay for now because I don't have time to practice (I know two chords; my goal is to learn how to switch between them without having to stop to reposition my fingers), but dammit, I want my guitar back!

Terrence showed up at the tail-end of the set, which actually worked out for me because it meant that we could actually talk without having to shout at each other. We sat there for at least an hour conversing. It was nice. Every time we've gotten together over the last couple years (which hasn't been nearly as often as we should) we've both had other people with us and other stuff to do (i.e. watch movies) and schedules that demanded we go our separate ways when whatever event we'd gone to was over. So it's been a really long time since we've just hung out and talked. I'm glad we got to do that. And it's made me all nostalgic about the people we used to sit around gabbing with until the wee small hours of the morning when we were in college (the first time). Sigh.

So, the band is finally cutting a new demo tomorrow, which is fabulous news, as their current demo simply doesn't do them justice. When a band sounds ten times better live than they do on their CD then you know something's wrong. Although to be fair part of it is simply because they've grown so much as both performers and musicians since cutting their last demo. They're not going to the same studio that did their last demo. This is a rich friend who has his own studio and is letting them use it, and hopefully he knows what he's doing and this time their CD will be a good representation of what they actually sound like. That would make my job so much easier. No more, "but they sound better than that. No, really! Trust me, they do!"

I was going to upload digital pics from their past few performances to their web site today and set up a gallery, but I left my camera in the minivan and my mom has taken it and gone somewhere that she probably told me about but that I've forgotten about. So instead I'll get to work on the DL cds.

Went to the band's show at Starbucks. Terrence came (though he didn't arrive until after the band finished their set) and we had some lovely conversation which hasn't happened in a very long time so that was nice. Tired now, still have to watch Farscape, so more on all of this tomorrow. I'm mainly just posting to say that this is the second time I've been to this Starbucks, which is a non-smoking establishment and where nobody in my range of vision was smoking, and yet have come home smelling like cigarettes. Weird.

Pilfered from Nautibitz:

cousinjean is also a great example of how love scenes don't have to be raunchy to be erotic."

That's nice. Although cj turned up much more comical results. Jean is also fun. I think my favorite is "jean is learning about what it really means to be a man." But what's cool is that my full name turned up the byline for my one and only publishing success.

What does Google think about you?

And because I'm bored waiting for those damn press kits to finish printing, here are the results for Buffy and Spike. And also Spuffy.

Oh what can it mean...

Here's an interesting tidbit of info that it would have been nice for my Internship prof to share with the class: the class doesn't meet on Fridays.

Grumble grumble.

There are few things that peeve me more than losing an extra hour of sleep in the morning for no good reason. And considering I stayed up an extra hour last night to get my story posted I'm even more peeved. And sleepy. Yes, I'm a sleepy Jean. And also a daydream believer. But I was never a homecoming queen.

Anyway.

I'm trying out this new-fangled concept of answering my e-mail immediately instead of putting it off until I can think of something smarter to say and thus letting it pile up to overwhelming proportions. So far it's working out pretty well.

The band has another show at Starbucks tonight. So after my second class (which I'm pretty sure is meeting today) I'll be busy all day getting ready for that. Need to finish assembling press kits for the boys to hand out around town because I can neither afford to mail them nor to drive around town distributing them.

Speaking of mail, Chad? I'm mailing your tape today. Episodes 2 - 11. Going right after class. Promise.

Just added the final installment of That I May Cease To Be over at DL.

Woke up this morning, looked out the window, and saw snow. Lots of it, coming down hard. Figured we were finally getting that blizzard the weather folks kept harping on about, and that I wouldn't be going anywhere for a while, said a silent prayer of thanks, and went back to bed.

Woke up a couple hours later and looked out the window, only to see a slight dusting of snow on the neighbors' rooftops and nothing else.

Sigh.

So I'm not even through the first week of the semester and I've already skipped a class. One taught by the Dean too, the only one he's teaching this semester and a very small class at that, so he's sure to notice and remember. But at least he told us the other day that class attendence is strongly preferred but not absolutely required, so he won't be knocking any points off for it. I'm still mad at myself for getting a B last semester in Gender Psych solely because I didn't show up enough and the prof knocked me down a letter for it.

Even so, I'm still hoping the snow will come back and save me from my 2:30 class. Even if it doesn't, at least I'm all caught up on sleep now, and that's a good feeling to have.

In other news, I finally got a beta back on the last chapter of That I May Cease To Be last night (thanks DP!). It was a nice ego-soothing beta too, full of praise, which was just what I needed as I'm still not entirely over my most recent self-confidence issues and I've had serious doubts as to whether my ending works. Now if I could just get one or two more back (*cough*adj*cough*) I could go ahead and get that puppy posted. Wouldn't it be nice if I could get it up tonight?

Also, as much as I'm adoring soulvamp's journal, I'm beginning to suspect that I'm being surreptitiously spoiled. So I might have to defriend him. At least the First Evil seems to be sticking to spoiler-free snarkiness. I'm not reading any of those other character journals but I've been told they can be pretty spoilerific, so you might want to watch out for those if you're the spoiler-averse type like me.

I'm in the midst of a pity party right now. I'll probably get over it fairly soon. But it never ceases to amaze me how quickly and easily I can become convinced that I suck. Anyway. End whining.

Sociological Theory isn't as daunting as I'd anticipated. And for our final project we have the option to build a web site instead of writing a paper, so that's something I might actually enjoy. It has a lot of required reading, though, so my AIM sessions are probably gonna have to be limited to Tuesday nights and weekends. Bummer.

We had to tell a few things about ourselves in the class, including favorite TV shows. I was the only Buffy fan in the room (although when I mentioned it the prof pointed out that the communications department is studying Buffy this semester -- too bad Ididn't know about that before I enrolled). There was one other former fan but she got turned off by S6 Depresso Buffy and quit watching. I told her that Buffy got better but she didn't seem to care. *Shrug* Her loss.

I've decided to henceforth declare Monday nights official novel-working-on nights (except for on Monday's when I have a test the next day, natch). No fic, no not-absolutely necessary studying, no fretting over to do lists. Just working on my book. Tonight I did some background research on the life and times of Vlad Tepes. Fun stuff! In a twisted, nightmarish sort of way.

Anyway. I also did another character study. Which just might have to make it into the manuscript at some point, but we'll just pretend that it won't so I can post it here.

Magda

The moon hung large in the sky beside the castle. The river beneath it became a swath of pure silver, stealing light from the darkening sky and running away with it to the woods in the valley below. A fitting grave for a princess, thought Magda as she stood on the south bank, waching the rapids tumble and swirl, hands reaching up to take any gift offered, be it moonlight or bathwater or the defeated life of a frightened queen.

She looked up at the castle, at the towers where she'd last seen her mistress alive. She need only close her eyes to see the princess falling, arms open to embrace her fate, gowns flowing behind her ... an angel flung herself from heaven into the welcoming arms of a watery hell. Magda wept for her Princess, as she had that night, as she had on this night every year since. Now she also wept for her Prince. News of his death had not yet reached every corner of the country, but Magda's village had learned of it three days ago. They're proudest ruler slayn in battle, and with him all hope of freedom from the Turks.

Magda knelt beside the river and said a prayer for them both, her Prince and Princess, in the hope that their souls would find one another again. Then she kissed the cross around her neck, took up the flowers in her hand, and flung them into current. She stood and watched them float downstream, just as she'd once watched her master's bride. When they floated out of sight, she turned to start the long trek back to her village.

"Magda."

Magda spun around, pulling her shawl up over her head and wrapping it tightly around her. Frightened eyes darted over the landscape but saw nothing. "Who's there?"

A mist rose around her, swirling on the ground and flowing into the great castle's shade. Then the figure of a man stepped forth, out of the shadow and into the moonlight. Magda let out a gasp and backed away.

"Magda," he said softly, his voice full of mild reproachment, "don't you know your old master?"

Magda stopped, her eyes narrowing. "Perhaps you have not yet heard, sir." She put a mocking twist on the last word. "My old master, our Prince, is dead."

"Is he?" His tone held amusement. He turned his face up to the moon, a smile playing across his lips. Magda's eyes went wide as she recognized his unmistakable profile. She stood, frozen in terror and in awe, as he made his way toward her. An arm's reach away he stopped, looked down at her, and held out his hand. The mark of the Dragon adorned his ring finger. With a cry, Magda seized it and dropped to her knees.

"My Lord!" She kissed his ring, rested her forehead against his hand. She couldn't stop trembling. "They said you fell at Bucharest. They said the Sultan took your head --"

"Mustn't believe everything you hear," he told her, petting her hair with his free hand. "Don't you know that your Prince is immortal?"

She raised her head and smiled, joy bubbling through her like the angry river.

"On your feet," he commanded, taking her hand and pulling her up. He stepped close, like a lover, and traced a finger down her cheek. "You were but a child the last I saw you."

Magda felt her cheeks burn. She ducked her head. "Yes, my Prince."

Placing a finger under her chin, he forced her head back up. "You've grown into a very beautiful woman."

"I ..."

"Magda, your family has served mine for generations. You yourself were a faithful servant to my wife and our son ..." His voice trailed off and he shut his eyes. Pain etched every line of his face. When he opened them again, his eyes burned with a strange inner light. Magda found herself unable to look away. "I have need of a servant," he told her. "Someone to keep my household. Provide ..." His eyes roamed over her body like a soft caress. Again she blushed, but she made no move to hide herself. "Companionship," he finished.

"My Lord, anything you need of me, anything you desire ... you have only to ask. I am yours if you wish it."

"Is that so?" He reached toward her breast. She isntinctively drew back, but he snatched the chain around her neck and yanked it off of her. He held it up, away from his body, letting the cross dangle between them. "No servant can serve two masters."

"But --"

"And tell me, sweet Magda, what has this one done for you? Has he kept our homeland from falling prey to heathen invaders? Did he spare your father the night our fortress was taken? Did he spare our princess? My son?"

Magda swallowed. "No, my Lord."

He reached up and traced the tiny lines at the corners of her eyes. "Even now he steals your beauty. Your strength. Your life. Minute by minute, hour by hour ..."

"But the promise of eternal life in Heaven --"

"I can give you eternal life. Eternal youth and beauty. I will protect you from the ravages of time and save you from the pain of death and suffering. Serve me and you will want for nothing, Magda. You will rule my house and help me rule my kingdom. But you must choose."

Magda did not understand what she was hearing. "Lord?"

He grabbed her hand and dropped the cross into her palm, then closed her fingers over it. "Be his good and faithful servant," he whispered in her ear, "or be my bride." He let her go and stood back.

Magda stared at him in wonder, then she opened her hand and looked down at the cross. The silver shone like the river in the moonlight, a bright, shining symbol of her faith. As her eyes drifted to the spot where the river had swallowed her Princess whole, she realized it was a faith that had broken in that instant, spilled out with her tears and left her hollow along with her father's death. Closing her eyes, she raised up her hand and flung the pendant at the river. At the sound of a splash, she opened them again and spun to face her Prince.

He smiled, and opened his arms.

She flung herself into them.

In case you missed it, the rest of Dancing Lessons 3.8 is up. So now that's out of the way maybe fenwic and adjrun can beta TIMCTB6 and get that back to me so I can get it posted.

Niblet's in heat again. Sigh. Some day I'll be able to afford to have her spayed.

Started back to school this morning. Everything was eh. No Brit Boy in my Internship 2 class, which was very disappointing as that was the only class I figured I'd have with him. Oh well. I put off going to my actual internship site until next week because I have to get it all reapproved with the new professor. Which means I get to stay home this afternoon and take a nap. Yay naps!

Still so much to do, and the list keeps growing. My cd burning program is a huge memory drain so I can only burn about 4 cds before everything crashes, so that's making it take a lot longer to put the DL cds together than I'd anticipated. I still need to log in to my online class, where I'm sure more work is waiting for me. And I need to try to do some of the reading tonight for Sociological Theory. Whee. And my nails are still all dry and misshapen and grody, so hopefully I can carve out some time today for an at-home manicure. Possibly whilst dubbing "Showtime" for Chad. Also need to update Last Exit's web site and announce their show this Friday. And about a hundred other little managerial things that I keep neglecting. Must write, too, else I stall out and take forever to get going again. Need to work out at some point today too because I skipped yesterday's workout and if I go too long there that'll be even tougher to start up again than the writing.

I really need to get a day planner. And then actually use it.

I am soooo fried. And I'm stuffed so full of seafood I half expect to grow gills. And I have music from that damn Cats stuck in my head and it won't go away. Please help me.

All in all it was a pleasant day. I drove, and for the most part my mom was pretty good about not instructing me from the back, and she didn't criticize my parking once. She tried really hard. I'm proud of her.

Hey, here's some good news: all of the remaining scenes for DL 3.8 are in my in-box awaiting betas. Go fenwic and adj! I knew you guys could do it. I'm proud of them too.

Ben Browder is a beautiful, beautiful man. Stupid SciFi.

I finished TIMCTB, for real this time, and sent it off to the betas. It's in their hands now so yell at them if you're all impatient for it. No matter what I tried I just couldn't deschmoopify the ending. But I think I got it toned down to a comfortable level of schmoop. No way I could top, or even hope to come near, the perfection of the reunion in "Showtime," but I think this works pretty well for the story I'm telling.

Next up on my fic list is DL 3.10. This one is a three-way between me, eep, and fenwic (no, not that kind of three-way. Sorry), and I've got all of the Glydia scenes. Which is great, and which was what I asked for, but now all I'm in the mood to write is Spuffy, so I'm having a little trouble getting motivated.

I got my books bought. Since two of my classes don't use textbooks it turned out to be relatively inexpensive, which means a bigger loan check for me mid-semester, so that's a good thing. And I took another look at the syllabus for Sociological Theory and I don't think that class is going to be as bad as I was anticipating. So I'm feeling a little better about the upcoming semester. But only a little.

Also exchanged one of my Attack of the Clones DVDs for the extended FotR. Hopefully I'll get time to watch some of the features some time this weekend (gotta see this crotch biting everybody keeps talking about, donchaknow). I have to go see Cats tomorrow (shut up, adj). It's part of the Broadway Tour season package. Already paid for, so I'm going, even though I freaking hate Cats. At least my mommy is taking me to Red Lobster after and buying me shrimp. Mmm, shrimp. I worked out a little extra today in anticipation (to the accompaniment of "Something Blue," which I like to think is totally prophetic. That's neither here nor there, I'm just sayin').

In the spirit of further procrastination, I'm yanking this meme from Regina and Brooding Soul:

Where was I ...

1. When John F. Kennedy was shot (11/22/1963)

Before my time.

2. When Mt. St. Helens blew (5/18/1980)

Hmm. I would've been seven. Really, I remember a movie about this event starring, I think, Jason Robards as an old man who refused to evactuate much better than I remember the event itself.

3. When the Challenger exploded (January 28, 1986)

I was home sick from school, on the couch with my dad watching TV. My brother called and asked if we were watching the news. My mom turned to a news station just in time to see a replay of the explosion. This was the first time watching the news made me cry.

4. When the 7.1 earthquake hit San Francisco (10/7/1989)

I remember seeing the double-decker bridge collapsed on the news, and I remember that it affected the World Series. But I don't recall what I was doing when any of these things happened.

5. When the Berlin Wall fell (11/7/1989)

Again, I remember seeing this on the news, and I was definitely old enough to understand the significance, but apparently at age 16 I was too preoccupied with the things that typically preoccupy 16 year olds to really care. Of course now I wish I'd paid more attention.

6. When the Gulf War began (1/16/1991)

When it actually began? I don't recall. But I do vividly remember watching Wolf Blitzer on CNN reporting live from Baghdad with bombs falling behind him and having to cut his report short so he could go take cover.

7. When OJ Simpson was chased in his White Bronco (6/17/1994)

This was while I was living in Norman attending OU and working at Wal-Mart. I was at work. A crowd gathered in the electronics department to watch the chase, but I was checking so I missed out. Had to catch the replays later.

8. When the building in Oklahoma City was bombed (4/19/1995)

I was back at home, working at a Dillard's department store in Tulsa. I went on break and passed through electronics on my way to the employee lounge when I saw people running for their lives on all of the big screen TVs and stopped to see what was up. This was right when they'd gotten the second bomb scare and had to abandon the rescue to evacuate. I spent my entire break glued to the TV, and the rest of the day listening to updates (as well as conspiracy theories and racist assumptions and accusations) from customers and trying to think of everybody I know who might have been in the city that day. When I got home I first learned from my mom that as far as she knew nobody we knew had been close enough to get hurt. Then I turned on the news and watched footage of rescuers pulling the surviving kids out of the daycare. I saw a toddler with blood all over his face and completely lost it. I stayed pretty much continually weepy for at least a week following, and still tend to tear up over it. Hell, I'm struggling to keep from crying as I type this.

9. When Princess Di was killed (8/31/1997)

I was in bed, not yet asleep, when my mom poked her head in to tell me about the car accident. I got up and turned on the news and watched the replays, then when they announced her death I powered up my laptop and got on whatever posting board I was frequenting at the time to talk about it. Then I went back to bed.

10. When Bush was first announced President (11/7/2000)

I think I walked through the living room on my way to the kitchen to get a snack when my mom told me Bush won. On my way back from the kitchen she told me that no he didn't, so I went ahead and camped out on the sofa and watched the news reports. I stayed up way too late hoping they'd announce a winner, then I finally gave up and went to bed. At work the next day everybody in the office kept hitting news sites all day long and I had a video feed from msnbc going in the bottom corner of my computer screen all day.

11. When the 6.8 earthquake hit Nisqually, WA (2/28/2001)

I had no idea this happened.

12. When terrorists knocked over the World Trade Center (9/11/2001)

I got an e-mail from a freaked out queenofthorns saying that her downtown Manhattan office building was being evacuated because plane crashed into the WTC. I just assumed she meant a small prop plane and that it was a freak accident. I replied and told her I'd pray for her and asked her to keep me posted, then I went to class. On my way out the door my mom told me that a plane had crashed into the Pentagon but I was in too much of a hurry to pay much attention and it didn't even occur to me that the two events were related. Then I got to class and the entire period was devoted to discussing the attack. I sat there kind of in shock the whole time. Then I had to go to my next class and take a test. My psych prof said he considered postponing but decided the best thing for us was to go on with our normal daily lives. On the way home I listened to radio reports about the missing plane. When I got home, soon as I walked in the door, mom told me one of the towers collapsed. I went up stairs and turned on my TV and saw the replays of the crash and of the first tower collapsing. Then I got to see the second tower collapse live. That was the point where I broke down, and got in bed and cried myself out. Then I got online and started sending frantic e-mails and scouring MBTV to make sure QoT and Ehann and all of the New Yorkers I knew on the boards were okay. Thankfully, they all were, albeit terribly shaken.

First, some early morning noontime thoughts:

• It's a really good thing I've gotten over needing people to like me.
  
  
• I was gonna rant about being held accountable for the opinions of my friends and people I associate with instead of for my opinions alone, but then I realized that I'm guilty of doing that to other people, so nevermind. I'm gonna work on not doing that anymore, though.
  
  
• I finished TIMCTB last night but I don't love the ending. I'm gonna have to fiddle with that a little more.
  
  
• I overslept. And I have to make a trip to town to buy my books. I feel like my whole day is already shot. Which is ridiculous, I know, but there it is. This is one of those days I wish I still took Ritalin.
  
  
• Checked out the syllabi for my classes last night. I'm absolutely dreading this semester.
  
  
• New Farscape tonight! Woo hoo! The satellite's been glitchy, though. I hope that gets straightened out in time.

Okay then. Wrote this character bio last night for Modern Brides. It's not going in the manuscript, this was just me getting to know the character. It's not as neat and sensical as the study for Mary, but at least I have a pretty good handle on this guy now.

Abe

Abraham Campbell was named for his great, great, great grandfather on his mother's side. That was all he knew about his mother's family. She hadn't talked about them much, and his grandparents didn't know enough to talk about them. When he was eight, a weekend in their custody turned into a lifetime after his parents, not trained for Oklahoma weather, got swept off the highway and into a lake while driving to get him in a tornado.

Of course, Abe had turned out to be the consummate disappointment to them. Their high hopes that he'd grow up to be a doctor like his father were dashed when he got held back a grade in junior high, and then trodden, stomped on and ripped to shreds when he did a brief stint in juvie at age 16 for smoking weed. Of course, that was the first and only time he'd tried the stuff, and just his luck, he'd gotten caught. Story of his life.

By the time he graduated high school Abe had gotten his grades up enough to go to college, and his grandparents had decided to be proud. He did well enough in college -- he'd always tested well, it was just the homework part he could never get a handle on. He majored in Engineering. Then he met Mallory, who taught him to play bass, and switched to Music. Together they started a band, Edith Keelor Must Die. They both dropped out of college after their first paid gig. His grandparents threatened to disinherit him.

The band all lived together for about a year, then when it came down to a choice between killing them all, quitting the band or moving out he and Mallory got their own place. They were together two years before she got pregnant. When she told him he had visions of back yard football and little league games. Then she told him she'd gotten rid of it. She wanted a career, not a family. He moved out for a week, then came back. He only wanted her. Anyway, it had been the right thing to do. The smart thing to do. That was what he told himself every night, before he went to sleep, after he finished convincing himself that his parents didn't die because of him. It wasn't like he could support a family on the band's meager earnings and his wages from Tulsa's one and only Starbucks. It was hard enough for him and Mal to make ends meet as it was.

After four years together, he'd proposed. She said no. She wanted to be a rock star, not a wife. Still wanted to live together, though. He said yes. He still only wanted her.

Randomness:

• Happy birthday to the lovely, talented and witty Miss Windy.
  
  
• People on the Internet are so generous. I guess it's kinda sad that this always surprises me, but it does. And it's also very touching. And greatly appreciated.
  
  
• Various thoughts floating around re: feedback. Giving it, responding to it, how late is too late, what have you. I'm about to reach a decision that I should just embrace my suckitude and start discouraging feedback. Because no matter what I try or how good my intentions I just can't seem to respond with any semblance of timeliness, and it piles up and I get unbelievably stressed out about it and paralyzed with guilt. So if you're reading this, and you've sent me feedback and haven't received a response, my profuse apologies. And if you were considering ever sending me feedback and hoping for/expecting a response, please, just don't. I love it, appreciate it, learn from it, but I just can't figure out how to handle it. So if you need a reply to your feedback, please, just save it.
  
  
• I talked myself out of writing the Order of Taraka story, at least for the time being. Too much other stuff going on. Big thanks to those who encouraged me to write it (she said sarcastically whilst casting a glare at her enablers). Maybe someday, after all my other fic projects are finished and my book is well under way, if the idea is still nagging at me. But that day is a long way away. In the meantime, if anybody else wants to take the bunny and run, be my guest.
  
  
• Today I'm writing and making CDs. And that is all. I'm thisclose to finishing TIMCTB. Still haven't quite got the ending worked out (I hate getting Jossed mid-fic), but I'm sure it'll come to me.
  
  
• New DL coming this Sunday. Count on it.

Soooo sleepy. Stayed up too late gabbing about Buffy last night and had to get up too damn early this morning to go pay my traffic fine. Bleah.

Already Wednesday and I've only managed to cross about five items off of my big-ass To Do list for this week. I suck. I keep letting this here Internet thing distract me. Then yesterday I gave up and had a mini-marathon of eps 7 - 10 before the new ep came on. Sigh. I'm so weak-willed. Though I think part of me is just rebelling against the idea of spending the last days of my vacation working my ass off instead of enjoying it. My vacation, that is; not my ass. Anyway. I'm bumping answering e-mail and burning DL cds to the top of the list. So if you're still, like, wondering if I got your donation and am planning to send you your CDs, if all goes well you should get a confirmation some time today. Here is where I point out for the nth time that I suck. Please forgive me.

So, Buffy. Spoilers for 7.11 ahoy (highlight to read):

[spoilers]Warning: This is pretty much gonna all be 'shippy fangirl 'shipper ramblings. If you don't like that sort of thing then go the hell away.

The ending choked me up. And then I went around all night with a stupid grin on my face. Hell, the grin is creeping back even as I type this. She SOOOOOO loves him! It was written all over her face at the end. Excuse me, I have to get up and do my happy dance. Okay, back. I also got a little choked up realizing that Buffy's primary motivation during that whole fight was saving Spike. Sure, protecting the Potentials and slaying the UV for the sake of slaying it were also good reasons, but first and foremost in her mind was Save Spike. The whole trap was primarily to get the UV out of the cave and slay it so she could get to Spike. Essentially, she took that beating for Spike.

'Shippy sigh.

I've seen some complaints that she defeated the UV too easily compared to how it so totally thrashed her ass in the last ep, but it wasn't really that easy. She got her ass kicked pretty hard before she finally got the upper hand. I think that A) she was more prepared this go-round and B) she was simply more motivated to win, seeing as how she feared time was running out for Spike. As for her not using any weapons, my fanwank is that it would've been too easy for it to get her weapon from her and use it against her (and that's not a total fanwank, considering it did that with her stake in the shooting script for BotN). Anyway, it was a cool fight so I'm not complaining.

Buffy just gets cooler and cooler.

Random thoughts:

Glad Eve was the dead one because Eve bugged.

Andrew: HA! Just, HA!

Xander was looking good this ep.

"Here endeth the lesson" was pretty certainly not intended as a shout-out to DL but I took it as such anyway.

Sexy wounds and disheveled hair only make Spike hotter.

His dream about being saved by Buffy broke my heart.

Even FE-Buffy had great chemistry with Spike. Too bad FE-Buffy & FE-Spike can't get together 'cause they'd be hot.

Rona was okay but I hope they tone down the whole freaked-out newbie thing in future eps.

Giles still made with the no touchies, and he has yet to take his coat off. I don't think he's evil, but I do still think he's projecting himself from a coma somewhere.

Speaking of touching, last night was the first time all season Spike and Buffy have touched in a non-fighty capacity that didn't make Buffy all flinchy. They've been pretty deliberate about that, even making sure she never actually touched him when she cleaned his face in NLM. So I knew they were leading up to some Significant Touching. I'm only a little disappointed that it didn't involve any smoochies.

Loved Anya, as usual. And I got a bit of a Ganya jones on during her scenes with Giles. They also have great chemistry.

I know that Darkness something or other movie they kept showing previews for will probably freak me the hell out and mess me up, but I think I'll have to see it just for Emma Caulfield.

I fear what it means that Buffy's being alive is what's making the FE's assault possible. I'm not ready to start speculating on that yet but I didn't love the thoughtful, pained look on Giles's face when Anya said they'd have all been better off if Buffy had stayed dead.

Oh. And as for the telepathy, Terrence and I have been discussing that. I didn't get that Buffy or Xander were at all telepathic. Just that Buffy knew about Willow's ability (don't forget that she used it in "Grave" to talk to Buffy whilst preparing to burn up the world) and was able to get her attention. Then Willow was able to do a three-way with Xander (not like that, perv!). I didn't have any trouble buying it. But then, I'm easy.[/spoilers]

I think that's about it. In other news, I'm aware that my forums have been down for the last couple of days. I don't know why. Just keep trying. That's all I can do.

For the record ...

1. I don't hate darkfic. I don't tend to enjoy dark for the sake of dark (any more than I enjoy porny for the sake of porny -- unless it's written by Nautibitz, 'cause that's just hot -- but then again her stuff usually has a plot and loads of humor so I don't know that it really qualifies as PWP. But I digress). If that's your thing? Yay on you. I even occasionally enjoy a good angst-fest, provided the characterization is good and whatnot. What I do hate is the attitude that darkfic is inherently superior to or more artistic than all other fic. That's just bullshit. If you don't trumpet this attitude in my vicinity? Then we're not gonna have a problem. If you do, then we'll likely have words. It's called debate, by the way. It's an integral part of cyberlife. If you can't handle having your opionions discussed and debated then do us all a favor and keep your opinions to yourself. The same goes for opinions re: the show and, well, pretty much anything you discuss publicly in cyberspace.

2. I do, in fact, respect opionions that differ from my own, just as I respect other people's fic preferences. I've never flamed anybody in my life. I really do try to be respectful. If you feel that I'm not being respectful, talk to me about it! Chances are I'm not saying something right and it's all a misunderstanding. I do that a lot. Often in misguided attempts to be funny and lighten the mood. If you let me know that I've unwittingly hurt your feelings or made you feel belittled I'll more likely than not apologize and try to make it up to you. If you would make an effort (gasp!) to get to know me and where I'm coming from instead of just labeling me a bitch and deciding to hate me, we'd probably both be a lot happier for it. That said, if you're comfortable in your hatred of me, I certainly don't want to take that away from you.

3. The DL Crew is all of the people, writers and betas, involved in the production of Dancing Lessons. There are currently 16 of us. In the two years that this project has been in progress we've had a pretty steady turnover rate. Some of these folks I'm friends with. A few have become close 3D friends. Others are just acquaintances whom I work with. I like them all. But they're not all my friends, at least not in terms of how I define friendship. If you want to refer to me and my rather widely-extended circle of e-friends and label us all as a clique or, even better, a faction (though, don't we need to have some kind of common uniting cause in order to be a faction? Something other than that we just like to hang together?), then you need to come up with another name, because The DL Crew is really not appropriate and it's lumping in innocent folks with whom you've probably never, ever communicated and have no bones to pick.

4. I and many of the folks I do consider my friends on most days have the collective maturity of a 6 year old. But most of us can and do pull it together to be all mature and adult about the stuff that really matters.

5. It's okay if you don't like my fic. Honest. You won't hurt my feelings. Well, you might a little but I'll get over it. Especially if you offer me some constructive criticism. I like constructive criticism. It's how I learn and grow. It's even okay if you don't like DL. You can feel free to say so, in public. Just know that some folks tend to be kinda rabid about it and that you'd better be prepared to back up your opinions. See #1 re: sharing opinions in cyberspace. I myself can be somewhat vehement about defending it against what I perceive as unfair criticism, considering it's not just my work on the line but that of a lot of other people who've put in long, sometimes frustrated hours to create this story. On the other hand, I've also been known to cop to criticism I think is fair and also to shift the blame on story decisions that I voted against (*cough*Anya*cough*). Even I have criticisms about DL. Some of which I often can't shut up about once I get going.

That felt good to get off my chest. In other news? Eeeeeeeeeeeee! for New Buffy!

Last night was oodles o' fun. The power went off (right in the middle of a good chat, too -- sorry guys!) and stayed off until 5 AM. Which meant I had to sleep downstairs on the couch by the fire so I wouldn't freeze. And my mom's big-ass dog Jake claimed a spot right in the middle of said couch and he wouldn't budge for anything. At least he kept my toes warm.

And I didn't sleep so much as toss and turn and doze in and out and just generally feel uncomfortable and still pissy over yesterday's brou-ha-ha over a tension-filled discussion about a fictional vampire from a TV show about a young girl who slays vampires and worrying that the power wouldn't come back on in time for me to watch and tape the new episode of said TV show. Nevermind the freezing temperatures and the lack of hot water and the fact that we wouldn't have been able to cook any food or brew coffee; that would have been the biggest tragedy.

*Looks at priorities* Nope, nothing out of place there!

I think I'm going to steal a page from DevilPiglet and start copying my blog posts to my lj. Mostly so that I don't have to keep coming up with reasons to post over there just to get some use out of my icons. Also so that those who've got me on their friends list who actually care to read this sort of thing don't have to make an extra trip to my blog to see what's going on. 'Cause I'm all considerate like that.

Oooh, pretty! tolkhan redesigned installed a new template. I like the changing colors, even though they made me think I was tripping at first, and that's all that really matters, so I think he should leave it.

The First Evil's LiveJournal

Here's my official To Do list for the coming week:

• straighten desk
  
• TIMCTB 6
  
• defrag hard drive
  
• answer e-mail
  
• write to Chad
  
• mail Chad's tape
  
• make adj's tape
  
• mail adj's tape
  
• burn DL cds
  
• mail DL cds
  
• laundry
  
• clean bathroom
  
• buy stuff to make cds (blanks, jewel cases, printer ink)
  
• buy groceries
  
• pay bills
  
• pay traffic ticket (go to court)
  
• pay bounced check
  
• balance checkbook
  
• bathe Fizzgigg
  
• revise Death story
  
• market Death story
  
• print off calendar pages for school binder
  
• print off syllabi for classes
  
• buy books
  
• e-mail Curly's (for the band)
  
• call The Loft
  
• call Nordaggio's
  
• update web site/gig calendar
  
• update/assemble press packets
  
• mail press packets
  
• finish DL 3.10
  
• work on 3.11
  
• MB character study - Abe
  

Sigh. For tonight, I'm ignoring it and writing. Tomorrow I'm gonna print the list off then go through it and mark out everything that's not really that crucial. Then I'll work up some kinda schedule to help me get it all done. I really have to remember that going back to school is an imaginary deadline and not some kind of barrier that I'll cross and then won't be able to work on any of this stuff anymore. I mean, chances are it'll be a couple of weeks before I have to start studying or researching anything. I always get myself so stressed out before a new semester begins over how I'm going to get everything done and maintain some semblance of sanity, and yet I always do. Things fall into place. So I'm really just being silly.

I really want to run to Sonic for dinner, just to get out of the house, but I probably don't have a car. My brother's car got stolen and he keeps borrowing mine. And my mom's not home so I can't borrow hers. So I think I'm stuck here. There's a chance he brought my car back and left it in the driveway without telling me (can't see my parking spot from any of our windows), but I'm not pinning any hopes on it.

I have so many things that need to get done, and at the moment I seem to be incapable of figuring out where to start. I'm in a bit of a panic realizing that I start back to school a week from Monday and am running out of time. And I want to put it all off and finish my fic but even though I know what happens next I just can't get going on it. I should go exercize, get some adrenaline pumping and brain chemicals flowing and then maybe I'll be able to think a bit more clearly. But do I do aerobics or go ride my bike? Or go for a walk? I really can't decide.

Sometimes I really hate my brain.

Part 5 of That I May Cease To Be is up at DL!