I've been trying to spare y'all from "what the hell is wrong with me/I'm such a loser" type posts. Which explains why I haven't updated much lately, because that's pretty much where I'm at right now. Hopefully when I get back from my vacation I'll have a new perspective on things. Hopefully.

I leave for California tomorrow (whee!), so this will undoubtedly be my last blog before I get back. On the writing/freelancing front, my novel is also on hold until I return (ideally; I am taking it with me, but I intend to work on it as little as possible. Maybe on the plane...). I finally got up the nerve to e-mail Cyber Age Adventures this morning and ask if they ever received my short story submission, since it's been double the response time their guidelines say to expect. They promptly replied and said that yes, they got it, and will be reading it soon. So I'm still crossing my fingers and praying for that one. I also applied for a freelance copy editor postion at Tokyo Pop, which I know is a longshot with my lack of professional experience, which probably goes to explain the hint of begging that crept into my cover letter. But it's not like I had anything to lose by pleading my case applying.

I'd best leave you now, as I have packing to finish and finger- and toenails to paint. Try to stay out of trouble while I'm gone, kiddos.

Well, the eBay was a hassle, but it turned out to be well worth it. My stuff didn't do as well as I'd thought/hoped it would, but I met my goal and now have plenty of spending money for my trip to Cali, provided I spend frugally. I'm still waiting on a couple of people to mail me money orders. I hope I get those before I leave (and that I can get their stuff shipped so that I can put this whole eBay thing behind me and move on).

Don't recall whether I mentioned here that I spent Thursday and Friday doing data entry for T.D. Jakes Ministries. Or, well, for the call/distribution center that handles all of the mail and phone calls for him and several other big name televangelists. So that was intersting. But for as little as the job paid and for as many rules and restrictions they had concerning breaks and on-the-clock communication with the outside world, I don't know if I'll be taking any more jobs there. I certainly wouldn't want to work there long-term. At any rate, hopefully I'll also get that paycheck before I leave. Then I'll be able to have some emergency money on top of the spending cash.

Today is all about laundry and cleaning. I really want it to be about sleeping, but I have too much to get done before the trip. I need to clear the eBay explosion out of my living room and make it livable again so that my mom will be comfortable hanging out here to visit my pets and give them love while I'm gone. And I need to clean up some other messes so that she doesn't take it upon herself to "help" and throw a bunch of my stuff away while I'm gone, as she tends to do, and keeps doing, even though she invariably throws out important things that are not trash and gets bitched at for it once I realize what happened. I've made her promise to leave all my crap alone this time, but I think it's best to remove the temptation.

Busy, busy, busy. And somehow I need to fit writing in there.

Of course, it would be the day that I decide to go to town without bothering with such trifling inconveniences as grooming myself that some guy decides to flirt with me at the gas pump. Boys is wacky.

Coming back from Wal-Mart this afternoon was a thrilling, heart-pounding adventure! There was the afore-mentioned brief flirtation at the pumps, and then there was an almost-collision as I tried to make a left turn on the main street. I looked both ways, waited til it was clear, looked both ways again, then proceeded to turn, and came literally thisclose *holds fingers about a half-inch apart* to turning right into the car of some little idiot boy, who didn't even look old enough to have his license, who came out of nowhere. Somehow, we both managed to stop without so much as a tap. Phew. Of course, my groceries and the contents of my purse all ended up all over the floor of my van, but I'll take that over a banged up fender any day. I backed up (thank God nobody was behind me), motioned for him to get out of my way, and he drove off laughing as his little idiot also-too-young-to-be-driving friend hung out the passenger window and gave me the finger. Ah, youth. How I want to smack 'em all.

Novel update, for those who are keeping track: Yesterday I finished chapter 11. Today I plotted through chapter 20. I still don't know how many chapters it's going to end up being, but I'm guessing it'll be around 30. Which means it's not at the halfway mark yet. But it's getting there.

What a week. And by that I mean what a busy, exhausting whirlwind of a long, busy week (did I mention the busy?), the highlights of which include: antiquing with my sister on her birthday and finding myself a nifty faux-leather satchel bag for five bucks that is a perfect carry-on size and will be just right for toting minicon swag; finishing chapters 9 and 10 (which sounds more impressive than it is, as most of 10 consists of the first scene I ever wrote for this thing, but I'm happy to finally know where it fits in the story); hauling eBay swag down to the post office and getting acquainted with the new automated shipping center, which was a bit daunting, but nice as it saved me from standing in line; and temping as a receptionist/office clerk for a parking company.

I've been all conflicted about the temp job all week. Or at least since Wednesday, when the agency called last minute and asked me to get here ASAP, after I had just started writing a new short story. So that was frustrating, and has continued to be frustrating, because I haven't had time to work on it anymore since. BUT, I need the money, so I'm grateful. Plus it's giving me a chance to use all those nice professional clothes that I never get to wear. BUT I still have eBay auctions to prepare and a ton of other things I need to take care of before I go to Cali. BUT I need money to spend in Cali and the eBay isn't working out as well as I'd hoped, so again, grateful. BUT I am behind on many, many things and I'll get to spend the next few days catching up (barring tomorrow, for which I have fun plans). Grumble.

The most distressing thing is that I'm good at this job and they like me, and they want to request me back whenever they need extra help around the office. That's not actually the distressing part. That part's good because, say it with me, I need the work. What's distressing me is that, even though I really don't like this kind of work, I could get really complacent in it. Just working here for three days, I already feel comfortable. And it's making me realize that I'm a settler. I'm not a go-getter. I'm someone who settles for whatever comes along. I really don't like that about myself. I think a lot of it is a self-esteem issue. As grossly overqualified as I am for this type of job, it's difficult to picture myself in something better. I thought I'd left behind my underachiever tendencies, but apparently I haven't. I really need to get the hell over that.

The one good thing about the difficulty I'm having finding a job is that it's forcing me to get off my ass and write, and pursue opportunities that I wouldn't otherwise. And working in this office these last few days has made me realize how badly taking a job like this would kill my attempts at building a career. The job itself isn't so bad. The work is easy if sometimes hectic, the people are nice, and I don't have to think too much about what I'm doing or work all that hard to impress. But I have to force myself to be an extravert all day, and by the time I get home I'm too mentally exhausted to write, and even if I wasn't, by the time I get everything done around the house I don't have time to write. So, yeah. I've been thinking that if I still haven't found something come December, when my first student loan payment's due, then I'll just suck it up and take one of the many receptionist or call center jobs that seem to be about all that's out there right now. I'm writing this all here so that when the time comes I can come back and read this as a reminder of what a huge mistake that would be, if it can at all be avoided.

Like I said, I'm starting to feel like life is telling me to go to grad school. As sick as I am of school, and of being poor (which so far isn't any closer to changing because my bachelor's degree sure isn't doing anything for me in this job market), I'd rather do something that involves moving forward than taking a giant step backwards. So I guess I'll plan to start researching my options on that front after I get back from Cali.

Of course, there's still the plan to finish my novel within the next few months and have it ready to market by the end of the year, and the hope that it will actually be successful, which, even if it only garners me enough to pay off my student loan, which isn't actually very much, will solve a whole world of problems for me. So here's hopin'. Now if I can just make time to get back to the actual writin'...

Today has been a heckuva Monday, and I mean that in the best way possible. For some reason I woke up at 7 this morning and managed not to roll over and go back to sleep, and by the time I usually get up I had already written my quota for the day (and finished Ch. 9 and started 10 in the process). And the rest of the day has been a blur of productivity. It makes me wish I had the morning person gene so that I could do this all the time, but I'll be as surprised as the rest of you if I manage to keep this up past a couple of days. And of course, it's only 5 PM and I'm all sleepy. But that's okay because all my work is done and I can feel free to fart around doing whatever until bedtime. What a nice feeling to have.

***

So the other day zapthepram asked:

How do you find good "Beta readers?" Online, or real life, I struggle with this. Help?!

I don't really have a helpful answer. I lucked out and acquired most of my beta readers through my work on Dancing Lessons, which, back in the day, functioned pretty well as a writing workshop. So I guess you could do what I did and start up a group fic and make all of the writers participate in the beta-reading/editing process, and then keep the good ones around to beta everything else you write. Or you could just try to find yourself a good writing workshop or online group in which you can post your work for critiques.

The trick is to define what you want in a beta reader. I actually have several, and they all serve different functions. One of them is an extremely good editor and is good at helping me tighten my prose, another is excellent at checking my grammar and punctuation and making sure I vary my sentence structure as well as being able to tell me when something in my story just doesn't work (or if it works perfectly). I have betas who do less in the way of proofreading and more just telling me what parts of the story work for them and what parts they have trouble understanding or which parts raised questions (and sometimes the questions they ask are the right questions, in which case I know I've done my job). And I have betas who just check my spelling and punctuation and make sure I don't get stuck on repeating a word over and over like a broken record.

With the small stuff, they point it out and I fix it. With the bigger, more thematic stuff, or the stuff that's more subject to personal taste, I look for agreement among my betas. If one or two point something out and ask me to change it, chances are it's a personal preference thing and I can feel safe ignoring the suggestion. But if almost everybody points out the same thing, that's a pretty good cue that I've miscommunicated something and need to revise. But the most important thing that all of my beta readers have in common is that they're not afraid to be perfectly honest with me, and they never tell me that something is good when it is, in fact, sub-par.

The point is, figure out what kind of beta reader is right for you. Once you know that, then you can start casting your net by simply asking people to read your work and tell you what they think. The ones who fit your needs, you keep asking. The ones who don't, it's okay not to ask them again. Just keep in mind that if they also write they're going to expect some quid pro quo when it comes time for them to find a beta reader.

And just an FYI, Neil Gaiman periodically lists writing groups and workshops in his blog. If you're looking to workshop fanfic or have it critiqued, then Yahoo!Groups would probably be a good place to start. Also, most fandom message boards I've lurked at have had threads in which fic writers can ask for beta readers.

My Big Exciting Weekend Plans are thus:

• Work on sewing and assembling knitted purses
• Put more crap up for sale on eBay
• Keep working on swag for Oakland gathering
• Write another scene for fic I've been working on for last three years of my life ohGodpleaseletitendsoon*cries*
• Put antifreeze in Jesus Van and try driving it somewhere

Whoo doggies, don't that all sound fun?

I'm also going to try to blog. I mean a real post that I actually have to put some thought into, not this lame-ass weekend to do list business. Like answering zapthepram's question, maybe. And I might try to finish Chapter 9 since I didn't actually get that done this week (Bad Jean!). Right now I'm debating whether to go walk a couple miles or dust off my bicycle and ride it for a while. Last time I rode my bike it killed my poor back dead, and I haven't ridden it since. But I wasn't stretching then. Maybe if I stretch it'll be okay. It would sure be nice to break up the monotony of walking around in circles.

Oh, and yesterday I read Blood Rites by Jim Butcher. If you care and didn't catch it already, I reviewed it in my LJ (no spoilers).

That is all for now.

Gah! Blogger is being problematic. So sorry to anyone who got spammed a lot by my last post.

I'm starting to suspect that life might be trying to tell me to suck it up and go to grad school.

SIGH.

I'll start checking into that after my vacation. But not before. Because, busy.

Today I'm going to go out and get myself a copy of Blood Rites, even though I don't have time to sit down and read it yet. And then I'm going to find someplace relatively quiet to sit down and finish Chapter 9.

The excitement, it never ends.

Saw The Village this weekend. If my LiveJournal Friends List is to be believed, I'm in the extreme minority of having liked it. A lot. But I suspect that a lot of the dislike I'm seeing reported is rebellion against the hype over M. Night Shyamalan. And maybe some (understandable) disappointment that the movie is nothing at all like what the trailers were selling. At any rate, I thought it was a good movie. I had a couple of contentions with the story, but nothing that ruined the whole movie for me or kept me from enjoying it. It was mostly things that made me pissed off at some of the characters. And I've never understood the assumption that when a character does something boneheaded or that you disagree with, then it's bad writing. Because maybe you're supposed to find their actions disagreeable. This is something I never got while reading various reviews of various Buffy episodes, and it's something I don't get reading reviews of this movie. But then I'm generally easier to please and have an easier time letting go of analytic thought and just immersing myself in the story than most people I know. So maybe that has something to do with it. But I liked it, as I've liked all of his movies. Yes, even The Sixth Sense. So sue me.

After the movie we went to the grand opening of Cold Stone. That's right, chillun: Tulsa finally got itself a Cold Stone. That's some good stuff. A little on the pricey side, though, and it's so easy to go overboard with the toppings and mix-ins and really pile on the calories, so I probably won't be going there very often. But it makes me happy to know that it's there.

I also read Astonishing X-Men #3. Excuse me for going all fangirl in the place reserved for my non-fangirlish side, but holy shit, does this comic kick ass. Whedon knows these characters so well, and he obviously has deep affection for them, and it shows. And what's interesting to me is that you can see traces of his own characters in his X-Men, but I think it's because he drew so much inspiration from the X-Men when creating his characters (deliberately patterning Willow after Kitty Pryde, for example--at least in the beginning). For instance, in this issue, Wolverine is totally Jayne (Adam Baldwin's character from Firefly, for those of you not in the know), while still remaining 100% Logan, and it completely works and is hella fun to read.

So that was my big weekend fun. Yesterday was mostly spent sewing liners for a couple of purses I knitted. I won't bore you with those details. I'll just leave you with this thought: POCKETS!

***

I have BIG GOALS for this week, that include but are not limited to:

Finishing chapter 9 (and hopefully also 10)

Prepping all my eBay crap to take to the UPS Store

Deciding what to do with my adoption article and doing it (or at least getting a good start on it) (btw, if anybody from WWNK happens to read this, your server keeps bouncing back my e-mail)

Fleshing out an idea I have for a short story so I can take a break from the novel and write it when chapter 10 is done

Getting all of the above done ASAP so that I can go and procure myself a copy of Jim Butcher's new Dresden novel and sit on my ass long enough to read it all in one sitting.

So, busy week, over the course of which I probably won't be saying much. At least not in this space.

***

Zapthepram has informed me that he is an Anony-Man, not an anonymouse. So sorry for the confusion. ;-) He also asked me a good question about beta readers that I will get around to answering as soon as I get some more free time.