On "Help," tonight's episode of Buffy (spoilers ahoy):

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I got pissed off at Buffy tonight. And I stayed pissed off at her throughout the last third of the episode. She was unnecessarily cold to Spike when she went to see him in the basement, hoping he'd have info that could help her. I was so bothered that I yelled at my screen, "fenwic's right! You're a big mean girl!"

But by the end of the ep, I was okay. Because I got it. I understood where Buffy's coming from, and it made me able to cut her some more slack. In a very roundabout way, her inability to cope with Spike right now was the whole point of this episode. Buffy is a doer. She's Action Girl. She's not the nurturing sort who can sit around and hold someone's hand or just listen or just be there for them. She has to fix things. She had to fix things for Cassie, and when she couldn't, she believed she failed. But as Dawn told her, just showing Cassie that people cared made a world of difference for her. It didn't change the final outcome, but it made her last days on this earth a lot happier than they otherwise would have been.

Buffy knows that there is not a thing she can do to fix Spike or to make it better for him. Action Girl is completely useless in this situation, and this has paralyzed Buffy. She knows that he put himself in this hell for her and there's nothing she can do to pull him out of it. What's more, it seems that her being near him only makes it harder for him. I think that this would tear her up if she allowed herself to think too much about it, so right now she's keeping a wall up, trying to stay emotionally detached, because she simply doesn't know what to do with him, or for him, or about him.

"So what, then? What do you do when you know that? When you know that ... that maybe, you can't help."

It seemed to me she had a bit of an epiphany there. At the very least that even if she can't help, she still has to try. That it's the caring and compassion inherent in the simple act of trying that matters, regardless of the outcome. Hopefully this realization will carry over in to her future treatment of Spike. I think it will. But if it doesn't, I gotta say, I'm running out of slack for Buffy.

Of course, my little 'shipper heart was emboldened by Cassie's cryptic promise to Spike that "[Buffy]'ll tell [him] ... someday." But tell him what? That she loves him? That she forgives him? Both? At any rate, this also struck me as a message from the writers to the viewers: Be patient with Buffy. She'll get there.

Comforting, but not funny like the internet fandom mockage. Doogie Howser fanfic. Hee!

On a non-Spuffy note, Willow's visit to Tara's grave made me tear up. And her assurance to Xander that she's over him now elicited a giggle. And I continue to really like Dawn this year. I just realized that Anya was nowhere to be seen, but she gets a whole episode to herself next week (finally! Anya's past revealed! Whee!), so I guess I can't complain.