Another thing I loved about this week's ep (yes, I'm still going on about Buffy, and more specifically, Spuffy) was how it explained so much about Buffy's attitude toward Spike by way of her dealings with Anya and her memories of Angel. She told Xander that she'd been thinking about the possibility of having to kill Anya for a long time. Surely she's also given a lot of thought to the same thing re: Spike. Because she has to. She's the Vampire Slayer, and choosing to allow a vampire to live, no matter what the reason or circumstance, is a huge responsibility. This is a lesson she learned the hard way with Angel. She also showed in this ep that the pain of having to kill Angel is still fresh in her memory. No doubt being faced with another souled vampire brought all of those memories rushing back, but it's really nothing new.

She told Spike in "Seeing Red" that she doesn't love him because she can't trust him. This seemed incongruous at the time because it was evident that she had quite a lot of trust in him, in several areas. I think that when she said it, she really trusted him not to hurt her, at least not physically. Then he betrayed that trust and proved her point. But even after he attacked her, she still trusted him to take care of Dawn, and when she discovered that he was back in town she trusted him to fight beside her, and to patrol with her. That's a lot of trust she's placing in someone whom she claimed she could never trust.

But looking back, I think Buffy had a specific situation in mind, one that she's forced herself to keep in mind throughout her relationship with Spike, and that almost became a reality this week, not with Spike but with Anya. I think there was a piece of that declaration she made in the bathroom that went unspoken: "I have feelings for you. I do. But it's not love. I could never trust you enough [to never do anything that will make me have to kill you someday] for it to be love."

I don't know about y'all, but to me that explains a lot.

Anyway. After dinner and Survivor, I have every intention of writing at least one of my newly appointed scenes for the second half of DL 3.8 tonight. But first, I'm off to nap for a good long while. Sleep good. Tree pretty.