Re: Buffy & Angel -- I liked, on both counts. Although, I was a little disappointed in Dracula, and I expected them to do more with Darla. And was it just the lighting, or did Faith have blonde highlights? Do they let people color their hair in prison? Anyway, the best part of the whole two hours was Xander's angry rant after he fell out of thrall. I hope somebody wrote that down somewhere, because I can't remember the exact wording and I want so badly to quote parts of that speech.

I didn't get to delight in them as much as I normally would have, though, because my mom decided about two minutes before Buffy started that it would be a good time to give me bad news.

A few days ago, a guy I went to junior high and high school with died of an anurysm. He was 28 years old.

This news is upsetting on so many levels. I didn't really know Todd that well. He was one of those gawky, nerdy kids that everybody picked on and made fun of. The thing is, I was one of those kids, too. You'd think we'd have banded together against the popular kids, but instead it was more like a competition to stay above each other on the totem pole. When I started to get picked on, I'd try to distract the bullies by turning their attention to Todd, and he did the same to me. There was no animosity between us, at least not on my part. We both understood. It was about survival. I harbored no bad feelings against him, and I hope he didn't have any towards me. All in all, I think we were pretty decent to each other. He was a good kid, and from everything I've heard about him since high school, he turned out to be a great guy. I wish I'd gotten to know him better when I had the chance; but you know what they say about hindsight ...

His parents were both teachers at the school. His dad was my fifth grade Science teacher, and his mom was my English teacher all through high school. She was one of my favorite teachers, one of the ones that treated me like I had potential and pushed me to fulfill it. I hate that they have to go through something like this.

What really bothers me is that 28 year old people are not supposed to just die without any warning or apparant reason. He didn't have a disease. There was no car accident or brutal act of violence or any of the other things that are usually to blame for taking someone so young. There is nowhere to place the blame. He simply died. He'd barely begun to live his life, and now he's gone. That's just not supposed to happen.

I'm in a pretty introspective mood this morning. I keep thinking about all the things I want to accomplish, and how I've barely done anything worthwhile with my life. I go to work, and complain all day about how I'd rather be writing, and fantasize about selling my book, but then I go home and watch TV until I go to bed. I tell myself that there is no hurry, that I've got plenty of time, that I've got my whole life ahead of me; but I can't really be sure of that. There is no guarantee that we'll make it to tomorrow.

I'm not making the most of my life, and I'm angry with myself for that.

I hope Todd made the most of his.