I'm actually afraid.

I've had a story floating around in my brain for a little over a month now, that I figured I'd eventually turn into a short story, maybe a novella ... I don't think there's quite enough there for a novel. At least, not yet.

A comment I get frequently when people read my stuff is that I should write a screenplay, since dialogue is my biggest strength. For some reason, I've always had an aversion to writing screenplays. It just seems so cliché, though I suppose not any moreso than writing a novel. It's not as if I live in LA, where every waiter and their mother has written a screenplay. This is Tulsa, for crying out loud. How many people here have screenplays sitting around on their desks? Likely not as many folks as have novels in the works. Plus, it makes sense, I suppose, since my story ideas always play out in my mind like movies, but I don't know. That was just never part of the dream. I've always pictured myself as a novelist.

Lately I've become fascinated with independent films, and the whole filmmaking process. I don't mean traipsing into the woods with a video camera and no script, alá Blair Witch, but real, old fashioned storytelling via film. Fascinated enough to want to be part of the industry, even if it means just being an unpaid PA on a local low budget indie production. No, that's not really enough. I want to be involved in the creative process. I want to make a movie.

At lunch, I mentioned this to Tess, and she said "okay." I said "no, I'm serious," to which she said "yeah, okay. That sounds like fun. We really should try to do that." So, we got ourselves all psyched up over the prospect of creating our very own independent film.

So, I'm going to write a screeplay. Up until about an hour ago I had no idea what about, but then it struck me that that story idea I've been pondering would translate really well to film. So, I opened up my word processor to jot down a quick plot outline, character notes, etc., and I froze.

It's not that I'm blocked, I know if I start writing, the words will come. They're all in there, eager to get out. It's just that, it's been so long since I wrote an original piece of fiction, starting from scratch, that the prospect of starting on something new for a change instead of revising some of my old stuff flat out terrifies me.

Maybe I should do it in long hand. If I write it by hand on a legal pad instead of typing it into a word processor, it won't seem so official, and might be less intimidating. Trouble is, I'm so used to typing that it's actually pretty difficult for me to write stuff out by hand (a sign of the Internet age, I suppose). It's never legible, and it's so slow.

Whatever. I don't really have a point here, I'm just procrastinating because I'm a 'fraidy cat, and I really need to just suck it up and go do it already. But maybe I'll go check in on a few blogs first ...